Drug Cartels Convert To Growing Toilet Paper

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 25 March 2020

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Grows On Trees

BILLINGSGATE POST: Chico “El Toker” Guzman, son of El Chapo and titular head of the Sinaloa Cartel, the largest drug cartel in the world, announced today that they would be converting all of their farms and labs to growing toilet paper.

El Toker, who inherited the Sinaloa Cartel from his notorious father, after his old man was sentenced to life in prison, said that his father had called him from his prison cell complaining that he had run out of toilet tissue because of the Coronavirus epidemic.

His dutiful son, aware of the hoarding going on in the USA, told his dad that “he would take care of things".

DEA surveillance drones, recently deployed to Baja California, show pictures of vast areas of white fields growing what appears to be rolls of toilet tissue.

Manuel Lopez Obrador, President of Mexico, who some feared was cracking down on the cartels, cited El Toker for his humanitarian gesture.

“I will talk to President Trump and insure that your father receives a lifetime supply of toilet tissue.”

Slim: “Sometimes, it takes a crisis to bring out the best in man.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. This may be the start of something good.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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