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Funny satire stories about Toilet Paper

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Funny story: Anti-lockdown literature regulations are harsh but necessary

Anti-lockdown literature regulations are harsh but necessary

The writer Brenda O’Lox is being hunted after breaching government anti-lockdown literature regulations. Her online story, ‘I haven’t seen anyone in three months, and also my Rabbit’s batteries are dead’, was regarded as ‘too earnest’. ‘If the sto…

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Funny story: Man wiped arse

Man wiped arse

Geoff Shitter, 47, of Bishop's Prepuce, wiped his arse clean with toilet paper today, after taking a large dump. "Ooh, it were right satisfying," said the unemployed logger. "I barely had to squeeze at all." He said that the large turd dropped out…

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Funny story: I thought I was working class, until I realised I hung my toilet roll the wrong way round

I thought I was working class, until I realised I hung my toilet roll the wrong way round

The 'East End Coronation Cobblestone Street Theatre Company' claims to be an open and inclusive creative environment for working class actors, but has excluded one applicant because she hangs her toilet roll the wrong way round. 'The theatre is o…

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Funny story: Pandemic an opportunity for investors

Pandemic an opportunity for investors

The world might be in lockdown, but there's big money to be made out there by eagle-eyed capitalists. Funeral company, Grave Situation, of Bury, England have reported a 350% increase in turnover for April, after they offered a two-for-the-price-of...

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Funny story: Elmer Smuckmeister Arrested For Possession Of Crack Paraphernalia

Elmer Smuckmeister Arrested For Possession Of Crack Paraphernalia

BILLINGSGATE POST: Outside the Costco in Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, Elmer Smuckmeister was stopped by the local constable. Elmer, who was an enterprising young man of impeccable credentials - his father owned the only saloon in town - was only too...

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Funny story: Massachusetts to Crack Down on Toilet Paper Hoarders

Massachusetts to Crack Down on Toilet Paper Hoarders

BOSTON – The governor of the state of Massachusetts has just issued a mandate stating that the state will no longer put up with those individuals who are hoarding extreme amounts of toilet paper. Governor Charlie Baker has informed the inhabitant...

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Funny story: A Costa Rican ‘Tourist’ Caught Trying to Smuggle 70 Rolls of Charmin Toilet Paper Into the USA

A Costa Rican ‘Tourist’ Caught Trying to Smuggle 70 Rolls of Charmin Toilet Paper Into the USA

CALEXICO, California - Border Patrol agents in the border town of Calexico have apprehended a person they described as being an illegal tourist. Agents Dusty Voight and Chauncey Ortega said that they were patrolling the border wall between Calexic...

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Funny story: Man Cuts Back To One Piece Of Toilet Paper Per Wipe

Man Cuts Back To One Piece Of Toilet Paper Per Wipe

A man who is well aware of the shortage of toilet paper the country is experiencing at the moment, has told friends that he has cut back accordingly, and now only uses one square of toilet paper to wipe his arse. Myke Woodson, 56, of Hull in East...

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Funny story: Drug Cartels Convert To Growing Toilet Paper

Drug Cartels Convert To Growing Toilet Paper

BILLINGSGATE POST: Chico “El Toker” Guzman, son of El Chapo and titular head of the Sinaloa Cartel, the largest drug cartel in the world, announced today that they would be converting all of their farms and labs to growing toilet paper. El Toker,...

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Funny story: Many Grocery Stores Are Hiring Security Guards Just For Their Toilet Paper Aisles

Many Grocery Stores Are Hiring Security Guards Just For Their Toilet Paper Aisles

CHEYENNE, Wyoming - MTV is reporting that many grocery store chains are now having to hire extra security guards. They note that due to the extreme shortage of toilet paper they are seeing more and more incidents of violence among the shoppers.

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Funny story: Thieves Break Into A Toilet Paper Warehouse and Make off With 9,000 Rolls

Thieves Break Into A Toilet Paper Warehouse and Make off With 9,000 Rolls

MILWAUKEE – Local authorities are reporting that overnight thieves broke into the Charmin Warehouse located on Soft Street and made off with 9,000 rolls of toilet paper. Surveillance cameras captured the three thieves who were dressed as Milwaukee...

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Funny story: A Farmer in Iowa is Making and Marketing His Own Toilet Paper

A Farmer in Iowa is Making and Marketing His Own Toilet Paper

WATERLOO, Iowa – Harpo Kerfuffle, 57, has always been the type of man who enjoys a challenge. And so when the toilet paper shortage hit, he was prepared. Kerfuffle who owns a 2,000-acre corn farm called Corncob Corners, took out a loan last month...

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Funny story: Man On Downtown New York Street Corner Asked If He's Got Any Toilet Paper

Man On Downtown New York Street Corner Asked If He's Got Any Toilet Paper

At one time, the men standing on street corners in downtown New York City were there for one reason: the sale of illegal substances to get you through until the next day. All that seems to have changed at the moment, after one man, in Brooklyn, mi...

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Funny story: Three Women at a Walmart Involved in a Brawl Over Charmin Toilet Paper

Three Women at a Walmart Involved in a Brawl Over Charmin Toilet Paper

SAGINAW, Michigan – Police were called to a local Walmart, after reports that three quite hefty women started fighting over a package of Charmin Toilet Paper. Store manager, Conzuelo Buckingbaum, 42, said that she was walking by the toilet paper a...

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Funny story: AOC self-quarantined after coronavirus-induced brain farts shut down Congress

AOC self-quarantined after coronavirus-induced brain farts shut down Congress

The events unfolded quite dramatically. Here are our updates: * With the Capitol consumed by anxiety over clownvirus, Judiciary Chairman Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.) rose in a floor address Tuesday and told his Democratic colleagues they should lea...

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Funny story: House and Senate Allocate 2 Billion to the Toilet Paper Industry and Chiquita Bananas

House and Senate Allocate 2 Billion to the Toilet Paper Industry and Chiquita Bananas

After passing measures to address the Coronavirus Pandemic in the United States, the House and Senate have responded to cries from an industry that is seldom heard from. The past two days have seen the American public purchasing and hoarding toilet p...

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Funny story: The White House Has Run Out of Toilet Paper

The White House Has Run Out of Toilet Paper

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Two of the White House maids have disclosed to a reporter with The Washington Globe Express that the huge mansion at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue has run out of toilet paper. The two White House maids, who did not want to give their...

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