A Farmer in Iowa is Making and Marketing His Own Toilet Paper

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 22 March 2020

image for A Farmer in Iowa is Making and Marketing His Own Toilet Paper
Harpo Kerfuffle says that his product will be marketed as Ahh Shucks Toilet Paper.

WATERLOO, Iowa – Harpo Kerfuffle, 57, has always been the type of man who enjoys a challenge. And so when the toilet paper shortage hit, he was prepared.

Kerfuffle who owns a 2,000-acre corn farm called Corncob Corners, took out a loan last month and began experimenting in his spare time, usually between 11 pm and midnight.

After about a week of downing lots of cornbread and corn mash whiskey, he discovered a way to make his own TP.

Harpo gathered up thousands of corn husk shucks, and, with the help of his two maternal grandparents, Ira and Loretta Dickheimer, he began to glue the shucks together.

And the end result is a toilet paper product that he is marketing as Ahh Shucks Toilet Paper.

Harpo has signed a contract with the Charmin Toilet Paper Company, and will be producing 3,000 pounds of toilet paper every two weeks.

He has hired on a bunch of his unemployed neighbors, including Millicent Lardgarden, 51, who was Miss Corncob of 1993.

Kerfuffle says that, with the advance money he received from Charmin, he has paid off the mortgage on his farm, paid for a year’s worth of daughter Lindy Sue’s accordion lessons, and purchased a brand new fully loaded John Deere Mr. Hercules 7000 Combine that is equipped with a microwave, a refrigerator, and two cases of Coors Light Beer.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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