JACKPOT, Nevada – The 45th president Donald Johnny Trump was campaigning up in Jackpot, Nevada, allegedly the home of The Nevada Chapter of The KKK.
The Jackpot chief of security, Leander F. Capote, 57, stated to the media that there were 117 people in attendance. When “Jumbo Trumpo” began his speech, he said that rally officials had told him that there were over 45,000 people in attendance inside, and over 900 in the parking lot that could not get in.
An ABC camera instantly panned to the parking lot, and the only thing that was out there was a 1977 AMC Gremlin, a pink golf cart, and a 94-year-old naked woman who had MAGA tattooed on one of her sagging-as-hell knockers.
Comrade Trumpski then attacked his once-favorite network, Fox News. He said that the Fox News Channel used to be really good, but since Chris Wallace and Neil Cavuto had gotten their promotions the network had now gone downhill faster than Meghan McCain on a metal trash can lid.
POTUS smiled and said that his one and only true friend at Fox News is Sean Hannity. The crowd roared. Trump then remarked, “Yeah, the next time that I travel to Russia, I am going to take Sean with me and introduce him to one of the nicest, richest, cutest guys I know, Vlady Putin."
Meanwhile Donnie Jr. couldn't be bothered as he sat in an isolated corner passionately making out with his over-rated girlfriend, Kimberly “Tons of Makeup” Guilfoyle, 50.
Trump continued with his incessantly moronic rantings, as he said that his goal for 2020 is to deport Nancy “Cupcakes” Pelosi back to India.
IN OTHER NEWS – The man that “Chucky Wucky” Schumer calls “The Pitiful Pompous Punk With No Friends” Rudy Giuliani denies that he has applied for food stamps.