Nashville Man Lets Depression Have Its Way with Him

Written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 9 March 2020

image for Nashville Man Lets Depression Have Its Way with Him
Wayne Mason describes depression's allure as impossible to resist. "I am but a man."

After fending off its advances for years, Wayne Mason of Nashville, Tennessee, finally allowed depression to have its way with him.

“Very seductive,” said Mason of the existential, twisted thoughts with which depression ultimately lured him in. “Ultimately impossible to resist. I am but a man.”

Mason explained that the sweet relief he felt at his surrender to all-encompassing depression was like nothing else he’d ever experienced. “Other-worldly is the best way to put it,” he said. “Not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.”

According to Mason, getting caught up in depression's sweep, while not asphyxiating completely, was a challenge. “I couldn’t help but give all of me over, but it was a struggle just to breathe.”

Eventually, after sucking him into a raging torrent of dark emotion, depression loosened its grip on Mason, and he made a desperate rush for the surface. He burst into the daylight, gasping for breath. There, in the bright sunshine, Mason found a new relationship – at least for now.

“Right now, I’m playing around with positivity, but honestly, it’s nothing serious,” he said. “I know where my heart really lies. Love is love.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more