ISIS suicide dog training camp raided

Written by Dewani Unhatched

Sunday, 8 March 2020

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Evil bastard

A camp reported to be conducting the training of puppies, to enable them to carry out suicide bombing missions, has been raided by allied Special Forces.

The camp, located in Northern Afghanistan, is understood to have been wiped out, with dozens of puppies executed and their trainers captured. General Jake Hood, of the US Rangers claimed the mission was a "success".

"These beasts were being fitted with suicide collars, and trained to befriend allied troops. At a certain point, their collars would have detonated, causing untold carnage. We executed several poodles, a couple of dachshunds, and some cute terrier puppies, who were being brainwashed."

No US or UK troops were hurt in the daring raid, and much intelligence was gathered.

A spokesman said, "Basically, they were promising these dogs squeaky toys and tennis balls to join them. Many of the dogs were convinced that, on their deaths, they would be rewarded in dog heaven with the legs of 50 virgins, which they could dry hump."

A report that several dogs were captured, and brought in for questioning, has raised eyebrows.

"I hope these dogs are not tortured to get information," said one man. "If interrogators pretend to throw balls, then hide them behind their backs, and then say 'where's the ball? where's the ball?', then that really makes us as bad as them. Doesn't it?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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