Rural "wild dog" school provides an alternative to state-funded education

Sunday, 27 October 2019

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An unusual school in Mississippi is proving surprisingly popular with local families. There are no teachers, no classrooms and no curriculum. The pupils are cared for by wild dogs in a pit in the woods.

School governor Jeff Hound explained the idea behind the teaching philosophy. "Kids in our school are looked after by the dogs. The dogs rarely bite or gnaw on them. The kids learn how to hunt, work in a team and bury their own excrement. What would they learn in a regular guv'mint school? How to count? Well, sorry, professor, but counting won't help you when you're lost in the woods high on crystal meth, and you're running low on cheeseburgers!"

Many local parents have been drawn to the new dog school. Melissa Gunn was happy with the change in her children's behavior since they began to attend. "They's a lot quieter now, which is a blessing. They walks on all fours a lot too, but I expect they'll grow out of that. It's so much nicer than the Guv'mint indoctrination they was learning before. All that science and stuff goes against God's word. Whereas being taught by wild animals out in nature is probably how Jesus got his edumacation."

The dog school costs a fraction of the price of the other private schools in the area, which may help to explain its popularity as an alternative to the overcrowded but free government-funded schools. "It's good old American capitalism in action," said Mr Hound. "And we let the parents pay in meat."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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