A camp reported to be conducting the training of puppies, to enable them to carry out suicide bombing missions, has been raided by allied Special Forces. The camp, located in Northern Afghanistan, is understood to have been wiped out, with dozens...
ISIS has announced that hundreds of its suicide bombers will be laid off following a recall of suicide vests by their Iranian manufacturer. The Iranian manufacturer of the vests, Arash Onmabutt Corporation, declined to comment. ISIS spokesman Must...
Tel Aviv; Israel: A new contraption may save scores of lives across the Middle East and the Western World from the menacing terror of suicide bombers. Israeli scientist have invented a device that fits fashionably on the human body, allows full unenc...
A report released yesterday by the United Nations subcommittee for Global Employment Outlook predicts a shortage of competent suicide bomber instructors beginning in the first quarter of 2016 and continuing, likely, forever. According to the repo...
With war raging in the Middle East and terror attacks happening with greater frequency all over the world, heaven is starting to run out of virgins. According to the Koran, every Jihadist who dies is promised 72 virgins, but ever since the Syrian civ...
President Obama has conclusively refuted all the unpatriotic pinkos who hate America so much, they want to maliciously and opportunistically hinder his drone campaign… Which latter, as we all know and agree, exists purely in order for your safety alone. Read it with an open mind. Well, I mean, c'mon; at least he's not a neocon, right? ;) Now let me say this. Well, why not? I...
World famous spreader of disasters, Coca Cola and McDonald adverts, CNN, has issued the following warning after an incident near the north of Paris in the famous Gaelic city surrounded by a Roman wall. It seems that people queuing up to empty thei...
Syrian Border, Middle East - The renegades' drone program took a sinister twist today after a heavily kitted out ostrich was captured by Iraqi farces complete with bomb vest, surveillance camera and GPS tracker ahead of a covert suicide mission.
Palestine - Mossad is hunting a gang of radicalised drug mules that strapped a bomb belt onto a three year-old donkey that blew up in the Rafah area of the Gaza Strip today. Israeli bomb squad farces said they used a frozen lollipop to lure the b...
The Gates To Glory opened wide to accept young Jasheed as he entered the Jihadist Heaven he worked so hard to deserve. His trainers had always indoctrinated him on the wonders that would await him there were he to prove himself to be a true fundamentalist patriot. Now, his mission completed and multiple bodies torn apart by his suicide bomb including his own, he had now come to get his awards.
Peshawar, Pakistan The terrorist organization al-Qaeda announced today that they are looking for new members to join the exciting world of suicide bombing. "Every year we have to recruit more people. We are getting down to our last few recruits f...
Muslim "suicide bombers" in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unres...
A New Orleans, Louisiana grandma, 67 year old Anna Flakes, joyfully told a group of arresting officers that her experience of having been abducted, fitted with a live bomb and forced to rob a bank was the most fun she has ever had in her entire life.
KRWENY, Iraq--Islamic terror organizations report that the promise of 72 virgins in heaven to every suicide bomber isn't the dangling carrot it was back on September 11, 2001. Due to the wide availability of the Internet in the past decade, would-...
Watford - Terrified bank customers dialled 999 this morning amid fears a 12-inch cucumber strapped to a man's leg was 'an improvised explosive device'. Police were taking no chances amid FO advice that the deadly vegetable is being used by Al Qaed...
Thames Valley Police this evening disclosed that a suspected anarchist has handed himself in at Reading police station, following a dismal failure to spread murder and mayhem around central London and the home counties. It was announced that the s...
A long-held belief of male suicide bombers has been that they will get 72 pristine teenage virgins if they die during an act of "Holy Jihad". Now, in a move that will shock many, controversial Imam, Mustapha Fatwa, has announced that female martyrs w...
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