Washington Post - "Remembers Softer Side of War"

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Tuesday, 29 October 2019

image for Washington Post - "Remembers Softer Side of War"
"Yup, business is good.... Real Good."

WASHINGTON DC - It's often considered poor etiquette to "speak ill of the dead", and the staff of the Washington Post newspaper has gone the extra mile to show kindness when the Cold Hand of Death reached out on the field of battle. In this case, the Fury of War struck in a desolate region of Syria known as Idlib, ordered by the White House, and delivered by as many as a hundred US soldiers (when adding Air Support). The "primary target", his second-in-command, and others perished by forceful means. When the Special Forces departed, all buildings had been flattened, and chunks of rubble were reduced to the size of a football.

As bureaucrats, lobbyists, and the Military-Industrial-Complex become the sole driving force of Foreign Policy in DC politics, the language in television media and online reporting really needs the "Double-Speak" format. Maintaining an endless war would be daunting for mentally deficient politicians, except for an excellent guide named "1984", written by George Orwell. The Washington Post has embraced death, bombings, covert action, and public deception to be as ordinary as potato chips and fast food.


Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi had been described by the newspaper as an "austere religious scholar" (age 48). However, there have been accounts which called him a "mass-murdering psychopath who burned people alive, beheaded journalists on video, used girls as sex-slaves, and committed countless atrocities against humanity, while on a delusional totalitarian war to rule an empire that collapsed from a thousand years ago."

Editorial policy and new business plans have gotten a lot of attention for the Washington Post. Some might even say that imitation is the sincerest form a flattery. Famous Obituaries are going viral on the Internet, copying the style used at Jeff Bezos' "news" corporation:

  • Adolf Hitler - "dedicated art enthusiast, talented orator, dies at 56"
  • Ted Bundy - "meticulous researcher, and Polaroid enthusiast, dead at 42"
  • Jeffery Epstein - "financier, and youth outreach facilitator, dies at 66"
  • Benito Mussolini - "renowned mass transit administrator of Italy, dead at 61"
  • Pol Pot - "agricultural innovator, and lover of French poetry, dead at 72"
  • Jeffery Dahmer - "store clerk, and exotic culinary artist, dies at 34"

Analysts in the investment and business sectors have suggested that the Washington Post is making bold moves to replace CNN as the Top Leftist Propaganda outlet for the world. However, Americans are not known for being able to read, so "Watching TV" will probably be the edge that keeps CNN as #1 in disinformation.


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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