Nashville Woman Proudly Judges Others by Their Descriptions of Musical Preferences

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 27 January 2020

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Lucinda Kellogg's ratings system has enabled her to avoid some real posers.

“It’s not so much what they like but how they describe it that matters,” said Lucinda Kellogg of Nashville, Tennessee, who proudly judges others based on how they characterize their musical preferences. “In other words, form over content. The point is the attitude.”

Kellogg went on to explain that while someone might profess a fondness for genuinely awesome music or music that, while not her own personal favorite, she can intellectually respect and appreciate, she is immediately turned off if that person is overly pretentious or, even worse, smug in his or her delivery.

“For instance, so many people will say that they love country music - but then they feel the need to rush in and clarify that, by ‘country’, they mean old or classic country, not mainstream pop country. And then they’ll go on to list a bunch of obvious names that everyone knows and loves – Willie, Dolly, Waylon, Johnny. I mean, come on. It’s so condescending."

She smiled and shook her head. "Honestly, if it requires an explanation, there's a problem.”

Kellogg also instantly condemns those who claim to be so diverse and multi-faceted in their musical preferences that they cannot even begin to answer the question as to what sort of music they enjoy. “Those sorts of people usually roll their eyes and flip their hair dismissively,” she said. “The guys always have long hair.”

Rolling her own eyes, Kellogg added, “Again, come on. I’m generally only asking to be friendly. Throw me a bone. It’s not like I really care.”

By contrast, Kellogg immediately warms to anyone who begins his or her answer to the favorite-music inquiry with, “Well, this is a little embarrassing, but…”

“Vulnerability is so powerful,” she noted.

Another response that Kellogg appreciates is a thoughtful, “You know, lately I’ve gotten really into…”

“Specifics,’ she said. “That’s what it’s all about. Love it.”

Diligently keeping to her own standards, Kellogg applies the same rules when responding to a question about the type of music she herself loves. “I begin by telling them the last song I’ve listened to, no matter how representative or not I think it is,” she said. “Just to keep things real – and keep myself honest.”

She smiled. “And I usually feel a need to throw in some sort of reference to Led Zeppelin. I know, I know, it’s cliché. But what can I say. I’m old school.”

Overall, Kellogg says that she feels confident in her system for rating others' personal worth, which has enabled her to avoid some real posers. “Everyone in Nashville judges others by the music they listen to, but I bring a level of nuance that’s often overlooked," she said. "I think I've pretty much nailed it."

And in case you were wondering - and to keep things "real" - what’s the most recent song that Kellogg has listened to?

Kellogg's eyes promptly misted over. "That would be 'Spirit of the Radio.' Oh, Neal. We'll miss you."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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