Nashville Man Enjoys Psychotic Break

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 24 January 2020

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Kenneth Cooke won't be returning from his flight from sanity refreshed and renewed, but he will be returning.

“We all need to take a little time off once in a while,” said Kenneth Cooke of Nashville, Tennessee, of his nearly week-long vacation from sanity. “Unfortunately, it wasn't paid time off. But what can you do – sometimes psychosis has its own agenda.”

According to Cooke, his psyche began mental preparations for his flight from rationality long before his break actually occurred. “There were a few dips into depression and even mania,” he said. “Weekend jaunts, if you will.”

The major psychotic break began on a Monday morning, when Cooke’s psyche revolted at the prospect of returning to his dead-end, soul-sucking financial job. “I’m used to being at war with myself on weekday mornings,” he noted, “but this time, it was a total coup. Every cell in my body rebelled.”

Realizing there was no option but to surrender, Cooke emailed his excuses to his employer and enjoyed a subsequent five-day reprieve from sanity, rationality, reality, and, of course, financial compensation. “Again, what can you do?” he said. “Money isn’t everything – or so my psychosis likes to tell me.”

Cooke’s psychotic break came to end the following Friday evening, when the weekend caused his psyche to return to its usual play-by-the-rules attitude. “Things will probably go back to normal next week, assuming I’m not fired from my job,” he said. “Can’t wait.”

While Cooke appreciates the new perspective that his period of utter withdrawal from life has brought him, he emphasized that his flight from sanity is not one to be idealized. “It was a mixed bag,” he said. “I won’t exactly be returning refreshed and renewed, but I will be returning. So that’s something.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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