Nashville Man Demonstrates High Levels of Artificial Intelligence

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 21 January 2020

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Insisting on French press coffee helps Ben Higgins maintain his reputation as a pretty smart guy.

No longer mere fodder for sci-fi novels and futuristic movie odysseys, artificial intelligence is a present-day reality, as demonstrated by 38-year-old Ben Higgins of Nashville, Tennessee.

"I'm not actually smart at all," said Higgins, "but I've learned to fake it really well."

So well, in fact, that most of Ben's buddies report considering Ben a pretty smart guy. "Don't get me wrong, he's no rocket scientist," said longtime pal, Chris Butler. "But definitely above average, I'd say."

Some of techniques that Higgins has found useful in artificially boosting his perceived intelligence, are referencing  psychologist Carl Jung, and using the term "Jungian"; mentioning that he doesn't generally watch a lot of T.V. (arguably true, says Higgins, depending on what is considered "a lot"); and being picky about coffee.

"The coffee thing goes a long way," he said. "Break out a French press and people immediately assume you're some sort of genius."

And his foray into artifical intelligence has proven so successful that Higgins says that these days, he has little patience for the natural variety. "Posers trying to pretend they're not posing," he said of genuinely smart people who don't go out of their way to flaunt their mental aptitude. "I'm so over it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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