FibalongaBoris Greatest Hits

Funny story written by T. Loaf

Thursday, 23 January 2020

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Like a bridge over...

The Prime Minister's debut album, FibalongaBoris, is a quasi-singalong of some of the best lies launched up to now.

"I want to make sure the slate's not wiped clean just because people elected me. I am proud of my cunning, and this CD is a sort of tribute to that...Spiffing, what?!!"

The opening track 'Cummings is bent, but he pays my rent!' is an ode to Boris' guru, and has a catchy reggae rhythm which links smoothly to the following rap, 'By Jove, it's Michael Gove'. Yet most pieces focus on his own deceit and trickery.

Johnson remains adamant, however, that journalists have twisted his words.

"Look," he lied, "what I have actually said is all true, more or less, apart from some technicalities, like the facts. And I stand by those promises. In the next three years we will be building 50,000 new hospitals, recruiting 350,000 nurses and all will be paid for by the 40 pounds a week we get back from leaving the EU. No, wait a minute...that's not quite right, is it?..No...ah...now I've got it. We're building 350,000 new hospitals and will be recruiting 40 nurses...no, that's not it either, wait a minute...now I've got it. We'll be getting 350,000 nurses back from the EU...oh dear...now, I've written it down somewhere. It's on the back of Carrie's shopping list..."

The PM's untruth about a government fund for Big Ben to chime on 31 January came too late to be included, but will be on his follow-up album, 'Smirk with me...'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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