Blasting the liberal-leaning media for propagating "fake news," United States President Donald Trump denied rumors that he had been impeached.
The president went on to announce that he would soon be taking a trip to Ukraine to do some last-minute Christmas shopping. "I love those painted eggs they do. They do such a nice job with those."
Trump added that, while in Ukraine, he intends to follow up with Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky on Zelensky's kind offer to investigate Trump's political rival Joe Biden and Biden's son Hunter. "Zelensky said I might find something very special in my stocking this year about the Bidens. I told him, well, in that case, your military might find a little something in its stocking from the good ol' USA."
Trump expressed little concern that some, more gullible, Americans might take seriously the fake news of his impeachment. "I'm not worried. The story is nonsensical on its face. What could they possible get me on?"
In a final call for unity, President Trump encouraged Democrats to do their best not to take all the fun out of the holiday season by spreading false rumors about his potential removal from office if convicted by the Senate of abuse of power and obstruction of Congress - but he admitted to having little confidence that Democrats would rise to the occasion.
"No one else has such an uncanny knack for sucking the absolute joy out of everything," said Trump. "But, hey, God bless 'em. And God bless us every one."