"H.R. 666 - Minority Report Future Crimes Protection Act" soon to be introduced in Congress

Funny story written by JennyNorthStar

Tuesday, 17 December 2019

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Washington, D.C. - After passing the House Judiciary Committee last Friday, the articles of impeachment of President Trump will be voted on by the U.S. House of Representatives Wednesday or Thursday. Democrats have called the vote historic. Yes, historic because there have been no crimes proven against the president, just speculation and conjecture.

After many weeks of secret impeachment inquiry testimony, selectively leaked depositions, and hours and hours of tedious, boring, mind numbing congressional hearings, the House Judiciary Committee finally came up with two articles of impeachment: The nebulous "Abuse of Power" and "Obstruction of Congress" (ha ha ha, anyone who obstructs this Congress should be given the Medal of Honor and a Purple Heart). For over three years Democrats had been searching for something that would stick. This is the fourth time a set of articles of Impeachment will reach the House floor for a vote. But, who's counting? Rep. Al Green (D-Texas), the author of the previous impeachment attempts said it best: "We have to impeach Trump or else he will win the 2020 election." He also recently said: “The Constitution allows a president to be impeached more than once. There is no limit on the number of times.”

For anyone who has been paying attention to this three-ring circus impeachment affair, Democrats at first started accusing the President of a quid pro quo, something given or received for something else, which in and of itself is not crime. Since the majority of Americans don't speak Latin, it didn't poll too well. The crime was quickly changed to extortion. Since there are only a million or so lawyers in the U.S., the general public didn't seem to know what that was either. After a Democrat focus group, the alleged crime was changed to Bribery. A few weeks later, after testimony by Gordon Sondland, ambassador to the European Union, who surmised there was a quid pro quo, it was back to that again.

Now that the two articles of Impeachment have been drafted, there is surprisingly no mention of quid pro quo, extortion, or bribery. Of course, there are none. However, over the weekend Democrats started declaring that the reason to impeach Trump was for future crimes he may commit! Although, this may seem a little crazy to most folks, Democrats have been espousing this proclamation over and over on every news program almost nonstop. Why are they doing this?

Congressional sources have confirmed that, after the Impeachment vote this week, Speaker of the House Nasty Pelosi will be sending "H.R. 666 - Minority Report Future Crimes Protection Act" to the House floor for a vote.

For anyone who is not familiar with the movie "Minority Report", it was a 2002 American action thriller starring Tom Cruise, where "PreCrime", a specialized police department, apprehends criminals based on foreknowledge provided by psychics called "precogs".

"H.R. 666 - Minority Report Future Crimes Protection Act" provides three primary articles to help "safeguard" our republic.

H.R. 666 - Article 1 - Presumption of Guilt - A person is considered guilty until proven innocent. Just being accused of crime is enough to be incarcerated, indefinitely. The #Metoo movement has praised this new legal proclamation.

H.R. 666 - Article 2 - Detention - The writ of habeas corpus will be suspended for anyone accused of a crime. A person under arrest need not be brought before a judge or into court, especially to secure the person's release. See Article 1 above.

H.R. 666 - Article 3 - Future Crimes - Persons can be accused of any crime they might commit in the future based on past conduct. This includes bad thoughts, past nonpolitically correct behaviors, voting Republican, wearing red "Make America Great Again" hats, and believing there are only two biological sexes, male and female. Like the movie "Minority Report", a specialized "Pre-Crime" police department, reporting directly to the House, will be dispatched to find and incarcerate any future crime perpetrators. Because anyone accused of a future crime by definition won't have any witnesses, court trials will be swift. Only liberal psychiatrists and psychotherapists will be allowed to testify to the defendant's state of mind and guilt.

George Orwell, in his book "1984" connoted things such as official deception, secret surveillance, brazenly misleading terminology, and manipulation of recorded history by a totalitarian or authoritarian state. Although Orwell might have been off by a few decades, everything he predicted is coming true.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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