Desperate FDA Recommends Adding More Tomato Sauce to Pizza

Written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 15 November 2019

image for Desperate FDA Recommends Adding More Tomato Sauce to Pizza
Good news for pizza-lovers! The nutritional content of pizza can be boosted with just a little more sauce.

"Pizza can be a foundational part of a healthy diet, and adding just a little more tomato sauce can help Americans inch that much closer to their five recommended daily servings of vegetables," said Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Brett Giroir, clearly straining for some sort of tangible hope for improving the way Americans eat. "And we can assure you, you'll hardly even taste it."

Some other tips offered by the FDA for boosting fruit and vegetable intake include topping pancakes with blueberries, spicing up your iceberg lettuce salad with some radishes, wrapping bacon in spinach, or, even better, opting for turkey bacon.

"A few small changes can go a long way," stated Giroir. "And they're more sustainable than trying to change your whole diet."

Many Americans reported feeling encouraged that the FDA hasn't given up on them just yet.

"It's just good to know that the government is on my team," said Nancy Galloway of Nashville, Tennessee, who relies on costly insulin injections and regular dialysis to manage her type 2 diabetes. "They don't have any agenda other than to get me well."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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