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Funny satire stories about nutrition

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Funny story: Nashville Woman Skyrockets Health with Morning Chocolate Smoothie

Nashville Woman Skyrockets Health with Morning Chocolate Smoothie

Sandra Larkin of Nashville, Tennessee, has exponentially upped her intake of greens, calcium and protein by incorporating a daily specialty smoothie into her morning routine. Larkin highly recommends her chocolate peanut butter smoothie to anyone int...

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Funny story: Woman's Overweight Friends Worry that She Might Be Getting a Little Too Fat

Woman's Overweight Friends Worry that She Might Be Getting a Little Too Fat

Concerned friends of Nanette Harper of Nashville, Tennessee, started to worry that Nanette had exceeded the extra 30 to 40 pounds that they all comfortably carry, and might be getting a little too fat. "It's a delicate subject, and you don't want...

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Funny story: Cereal Killer Terrorizes Suburban Indianapolis

Cereal Killer Terrorizes Suburban Indianapolis

A cereal killer who's been nicknamed the "Bowl Over Boy" has been terrorizing households in suburban Indianapolis in recent weeks, raiding pantries, rifling through cabinets, and leaving no cereal in the Indianapolis metro area, whether whole-grain...

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Funny story: Fad Dieter Disappointed to Learn that Fasting Just Means Not Eating

Fad Dieter Disappointed to Learn that Fasting Just Means Not Eating

Health-conscious Krista Martin of Charleston, South Carolina, was intrigued by all the chatter in health clubs regarding the supposed benefits of water fasting, until, to her disappointment, she learned that “fasting” simply meant not eating. “Tal...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Prioritizes His Health By Switching from Sprite to Canada Dry

Nashville Man Prioritizes His Health By Switching from Sprite to Canada Dry

After being forced to undergo bypass surgery to address his advanced heart disease, 48-year-old Christian Casey of Nashville, Tennessee, decided it was time to make some real changes to his diet, including switching from drinking Sprite to Canada Dry...

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Funny story: Nashville Vegan Learns to Fit In Better by Feigning Sickness and Toning Down Her Spark for Life

Nashville Vegan Learns to Fit In Better by Feigning Sickness and Toning Down Her Spark for Life

Tired of feeling always on the outskirts of mainstream society due to her vegan lifestyle and glowing sense of wellbeing, Lindsay Larkin of Nashville, Tennessee, made it a goal to become a little more conventional, by periodically feigning illness an...

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Funny story: Free Gluten for Low-Income Americans

Free Gluten for Low-Income Americans

With a surfeit of gluten on its hands due to a rising demand for gluten-free food products, the United States government recently announced that its Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program will be offering free gluten to low-income Americans. "I...

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Funny story: "Grain Brain" Doctor Advocates for Lyric Change to Classic Patriotic Hymn

"Grain Brain" Doctor Advocates for Lyric Change to Classic Patriotic Hymn

"Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain," is a line that has made the hearts of countless Americans swell with patriotic pride, but David Perlmutter, M.D., whose book Grain Brain instructs people to eliminate all grains from their...

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Funny story: New Study Successfully Compares Apples and Oranges (Spoiler Alert: Apples Win!)

New Study Successfully Compares Apples and Oranges (Spoiler Alert: Apples Win!)

Contravening the age-old adage that apples and oranges are inherently too different to compare, a groundbreaking new study published by the Johnny Appleseed Association reported that when considered side by side, based on a number of relevant factor...

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Funny story: FDA Urges Americans to Keep Health Goals Aspirational

FDA Urges Americans to Keep Health Goals Aspirational

With the New Year and its associated array of resolutions fast approaching, the Food and Drug Administration has urged Americans contemplating losing weight and getting in shape to keep their health and fitness goals aspirational. “People have the...

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Funny story: Portland Woman Finds Pumpkin Seeds a Beneficial Addition to Her Diet

Portland Woman Finds Pumpkin Seeds a Beneficial Addition to Her Diet

Interested in improving her health, Loretta Vincent of Portland, Oregon, recently incorporated pumpkin seeds into her diet - and she couldn't be more pleased with the results. With a wide variety of nutrients ranging from magnesium and manganese t...

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Funny story: New Study Reports that People Aren't Eating Nearly Enough Seaweed

New Study Reports that People Aren't Eating Nearly Enough Seaweed

A new study recently published by the Joint Center for Nutrition and Oceanics recently reported that people aren't eating nearly enough seaweed. “It's alarming,” stated JCNO Director John Griebel. “We'd assumed that most Americans were consuming s...

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Funny story: "Mmmm, Tofurky!' Pleads Desperate Turkey in Final Week before Thanksgiving

"Mmmm, Tofurky!' Pleads Desperate Turkey in Final Week before Thanksgiving

Clearly feeling the heat as he approached his looming slaughter at the age of six weeks, a bloated five-week-old teenage turkey desperately attempted to talk up the appeal of "mock meats" like the widely popular soy-based Tofurky. "Mmmm, Tofurky!"...

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Funny story: Health-Conscious Environmentalist Kills Two Birds with One Stone by Going Vegan

Health-Conscious Environmentalist Kills Two Birds with One Stone by Going Vegan

As someone interested in boosting his own health and the health of the planet, health-conscious environmentalist Luke Jameson decided to kill two birds with one stone by going vegan. Luke was first inspired to go vegan when he learned that animal...

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Funny story: McDonald's Launches New Minimum Wage Menu

McDonald's Launches New Minimum Wage Menu

McDonaldland, USA -- Bowing to pressure from minimum-wage maximization advocates, the McDonald's Corporation today introduced a "more affordable" menu designed exclusively for workers at the bottom of the pay scale. "We can't afford to raise the s...

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Funny story: Blimey! - Now Fresh Fruit Veg and Meat Are Bad For You!

Blimey! - Now Fresh Fruit Veg and Meat Are Bad For You!

Food Writers at the Daily Maile have announced that if people simply cut out fresh meat, fruit and veg from their diet they will probably live forever. The new findings, which are totally made up, say that processed food like burgers and sausages, ch...

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Funny story: Gummint Sausage Analysis

Gummint Sausage Analysis

Some have said that it is never advisable to look too closely at what goes into the making of sausage; that doing so can reduce one's appetite for the product. However, in the interest of public health and safety, a group of investigators has been l...

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