LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas - (Satire News) - The newly-elected governor of the "Anvil State" of Arkansas, Sarah "Ozark Fats" Huckabee has stated that she recently lost 6 ounces on the Diet Popcorn Diet. The "Huckster" as her daddy Mike "Plain Jane" Huc…
GLASGOW, Scotland - (World Satire) - The United Kingdom's Ta Ta For Now News reports that a chambermaid from Old Kilt, Scotland, says that for the past 17 years she had been 93 pounds overweight. Maddie McTissyfinch, 38, said that her great grandm…
EL SEGUNDO, California - (Satire News) - Just about every new drug that is produced in the United States comes from the Left Coast state (California). The QuinniPinni Polling Agency says that there are more drug chemists in California than there…
LONDON - (UK Satire) - The Bees Knees News Agency recently reported that the queen was a bit upset with herself after she had put on 2¼ pounds at England's famed Mick Jagger Music Festival and Eating Contest, which was recently held in Tottenham.
CICERO, Illinois - (Satire News) - The McDonalds Corporation has always listened to the buying public. In a move that will most assuredly increase Mickey D's burger sales, the big burger giant is now selling Diet Big Macs. The new burger only h…
SEATTLE - (Satire News) - All of her life, Dora Flora Hogwood, has battled fatness. When she was born she was so huge, that her mom's screams could be heard four blocks from the hospital's delivery room. At birth, little Dora tipped the scales at…
Having recently lost 4 and a half stone, Thomas Thompson was feeling good about himself, only for the look of disgust on his date's face to dent his confidence. 'I have a thing for bulkier chaps,' said date Zoe, 'and in his photos Tom was bulkier,…
As people across the country are starting their new year diets, one woman has found a hilarious and original way to eat chocolate and stick to her diet by posting on Fakebook 'Look everyone, having my five a day, LOL' accompanied by a photo of a half…
As millions of Brits are feeling flabby after the Christmas break, one man has taken the revolutionary step of announcing his new fitness regime. Kevin Sponge, 46, said, 'Yes, I know I've said this every year since 2004, but this time it's going t…
FORT WALTON BEACH, Florida – The petite singer, Ariana Grande, who has won just about every music award possible, says that she is feeling a bit on the semi-depressed side. Grande, who stands 5-foot-1-inch tall, told the iRumors News Agency that,...
Frustrated at Americans’ reluctance to abide by even its most tepid dietary guidelines, the long-ignored Food and Drug Administration garnered its most positive attention in decades with the issuance of a press release encouraging Americans to drink...
For those eager to complement their burgers, ketchup or barbecue sauce may be a safer bet than pomegranate, suggests a new study by the Meat in the Middle Foundation. According to the MIMF report, ground beef that was infused with pomegranate juic...
Discontented with life as usual, Bertram Harvest of Nashville, Tennessee, did a total about-face, followed by another, ending up in precisely where he had started. “What goes around comes around,” said Harvest. “In this case, it was me.” Accord...
Desperate to prevent Americans from ignoring its half-hearted health recommendations altogether, the Food and Drug Administration authorized eating up to two Christmas cookies per day for the duration of the holiday season. "We encourage people to...
Desperate to boost its credibility and popular appeal, the Food and Drug Administration is reportedly considering changing its name to the "Pizza and Drugs Administration". "The 'Pizza' wouldn't be referring to just pizza, of course," emphasized F...
After ingesting a plate of overcooked veal parmesan at a corporate dinner event in a dimlit downtown steakhouse, Joshua Hicks of Nashville, Tennessee, glanced up at the mirrored wall to make sure he didn't have any tomato sauce on his white shirt, on...
"Pizza can be a foundational part of a healthy diet, and adding just a little more tomato sauce can help Americans inch that much closer to their five recommended daily servings of vegetables," said Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Brett Gir...
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