The FDA want to do breast density screening prior to a mammogram. Weekend volunteers are needed - no cold hands please. To make the women comfortable - older men will screen older women and younger men will screen the younger woman. You…
BILLINGSGATE POST: On Elmer Smuckmeister’s chicken ranch outside Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, the hens were singing, “He loves my walk. He loves my cluck. He’s starring me with Donald Duck.” Who were they talking about? It certainly wasn’t about…
BILLINGSGATE POST: Funky Home Meds, a wholly-owned subsidiary of The Funky Corporation, announced today that the FDA has approved their savory salve ointment that they claim will make chapped lips a thing of the past. Freida Funk, heir apparent t…
Declaring himself the most qualified medical expert in the world, President Trump dismissed the Food and Drug Administration, (FDA) Administrator and appointed himself the new FDA Chief. During his four-hour news conference, where he asked and answe...
Railing against the dearth of testing for coronavirus, the Food and Drug Administration emphasized the importance of making testing widely available, so that treatment of Americans demonstrating cold-like or flu-like symptoms can proceed exactly as i...
Frustrated at Americans’ reluctance to abide by even its most tepid dietary guidelines, the long-ignored Food and Drug Administration garnered its most positive attention in decades with the issuance of a press release encouraging Americans to drink...
"Times have changed, and we need to change with them," was the New Year's message offered by Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Dr. Stephen Hahn, who urged Americans to abandon unrealistic expectations about living in a trim, fit body. "We nee...
Desperate to prevent Americans from ignoring its half-hearted health recommendations altogether, the Food and Drug Administration authorized eating up to two Christmas cookies per day for the duration of the holiday season. "We encourage people to...
Desperate to boost its credibility and popular appeal, the Food and Drug Administration is reportedly considering changing its name to the "Pizza and Drugs Administration". "The 'Pizza' wouldn't be referring to just pizza, of course," emphasized F...
Desperate to combat rising rates of chronic disease in an increasingly sedentary indoor culture, the Food and Drug Administration has officially classified 'going outside and remaining there for at least 30 seconds' as exercise. "It's something th...
"Pizza can be a foundational part of a healthy diet, and adding just a little more tomato sauce can help Americans inch that much closer to their five recommended daily servings of vegetables," said Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Brett Gir...
Desperate to counter skyrocketing rates of mental illness and plummeting rates of physical activity, the Food and Drug Association has officially classified anxiety as exercise. "It really does get the heart rate up at times," said FDA Commissione...
The FDA is shaking their heads after the latest alleged side-effect of vaccines. Jennifer Mowery claims that her daughter, Jessica, grew a second head after the latest round of vaccines. To further complicate matters, Jessica may be required by la...
Washington DC - Due to salmonella contamination, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced a recall of all turnips today, causing quite a stir with Nobody. "I can't believe this is happening. Turnips are the tastiest food ever, so I'm prett...
Desperate to boost exercise rates, the Food and Drug Administration capitalized on the soaring popularity of electric scooters as an alternative means of transportation and formally classified riding the scooters as exercise that will count toward th...
To stem the tide of youth smokers and those using vaping products such as Juul devices, the FDA will be adding numerous new regulations for cigarettes and vaping products. In addition to banning menthol cigarettes to help reduce the number of youth a...
With over 70 percent of Americans exceeding their ideal weight and 33 percent obese, the Food and Drug Administration has, for logistical purposes, officially abandoned its use of the term "overweight" in favor of the term "natural weight." "We wa...
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!
We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.
