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Funny story: Desperate FDA Encourages Americans to Get Comfortable in Their Bodies Just as They Are

Desperate FDA Encourages Americans to Get Comfortable in Their Bodies Just as They Are

"Times have changed, and we need to change with them," was the New Year's message offered by Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Dr. Stephen Hahn, who urged Americans to abandon unrealistic expectations about living in a trim, fit body. "We nee...

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Funny story: Desperate FDA Authorizes Two Christmas Cookies per Day during Holiday Season

Desperate FDA Authorizes Two Christmas Cookies per Day during Holiday Season

Desperate to prevent Americans from ignoring its half-hearted health recommendations altogether, the Food and Drug Administration authorized eating up to two Christmas cookies per day for the duration of the holiday season. "We encourage people to...

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Funny story: Desperate FDA Considers Changing Name to "Pizza and Drugs Administration"

Desperate FDA Considers Changing Name to "Pizza and Drugs Administration"

Desperate to boost its credibility and popular appeal, the Food and Drug Administration is reportedly considering changing its name to the "Pizza and Drugs Administration". "The 'Pizza' wouldn't be referring to just pizza, of course," emphasized F...

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Funny story: Desperate FDA Classifies Going Outside as Exercise

Desperate FDA Classifies Going Outside as Exercise

Desperate to combat rising rates of chronic disease in an increasingly sedentary indoor culture, the Food and Drug Administration has officially classified 'going outside and remaining there for at least 30 seconds' as exercise. "It's something th...

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Funny story: Desperate FDA Recommends Adding More Tomato Sauce to Pizza

Desperate FDA Recommends Adding More Tomato Sauce to Pizza

"Pizza can be a foundational part of a healthy diet, and adding just a little more tomato sauce can help Americans inch that much closer to their five recommended daily servings of vegetables," said Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Brett Gir...

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Funny story: Desperate FDA Classifies Anxiety as Exercise

Desperate FDA Classifies Anxiety as Exercise

Desperate to counter skyrocketing rates of mental illness and plummeting rates of physical activity, the Food and Drug Association has officially classified anxiety as exercise. "It really does get the heart rate up at times," said FDA Commissione...

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Funny story: FDA shakes heads after latest alleged vaccine complication

FDA shakes heads after latest alleged vaccine complication

The FDA is shaking their heads after the latest alleged side-effect of vaccines. Jennifer Mowery claims that her daughter, Jessica, grew a second head after the latest round of vaccines. To further complicate matters, Jessica may be required by la...

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Funny story: FDA Issues Recall For Entire Turnip Crop Due To Salmonella Contamination - "Oh, no! What are we going to do now?" Said Nobody

FDA Issues Recall For Entire Turnip Crop Due To Salmonella Contamination - "Oh, no! What are we going to do now?" Said Nobody

Washington DC - Due to salmonella contamination, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced a recall of all turnips today, causing quite a stir with Nobody. "I can't believe this is happening. Turnips are the tastiest food ever, so I'm prett...

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Funny story: Desperate FDA Classifies Riding Electric Scooters as Exercise

Desperate FDA Classifies Riding Electric Scooters as Exercise

Desperate to boost exercise rates, the Food and Drug Administration capitalized on the soaring popularity of electric scooters as an alternative means of transportation and formally classified riding the scooters as exercise that will count toward th...

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Funny story: The FDA orders vape juice to taste like fecal matter in light of youth vaping crisis

The FDA orders vape juice to taste like fecal matter in light of youth vaping crisis

To stem the tide of youth smokers and those using vaping products such as Juul devices, the FDA will be adding numerous new regulations for cigarettes and vaping products. In addition to banning menthol cigarettes to help reduce the number of youth a...

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Funny story: FDA Abandons Term "Overweight" in Favor of "Natural Weight"

FDA Abandons Term "Overweight" in Favor of "Natural Weight"

With over 70 percent of Americans exceeding their ideal weight and 33 percent obese, the Food and Drug Administration has, for logistical purposes, officially abandoned its use of the term "overweight" in favor of the term "natural weight." "We wa...

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Funny story: FDA Urges Americans to Keep Health Goals Aspirational

FDA Urges Americans to Keep Health Goals Aspirational

With the New Year and its associated array of resolutions fast approaching, the Food and Drug Administration has urged Americans contemplating losing weight and getting in shape to keep their health and fitness goals aspirational. “People have the...

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Funny story: New feminist org petitions FDA to stop manufacture of testosterone drugs!

New feminist org petitions FDA to stop manufacture of testosterone drugs!

A new feminist organization calling itself the..."Alt Pussy" has announced its petition to the FDA to curtail all manufacturing of testosterone drugs in the USA. The group is made up primarily of women harassed by Harvey Weinstein, Bill O'Reilly and...

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Funny story: Antisocial behavior vaccine developed

Antisocial behavior vaccine developed

Some call the new vaccine racist, but scientists are starting human trials of a vaccine designed to stop antisocial behaviors. "The police asked us to come up with something to stop the rampant increase in crime. They asked if it were possible to cre...

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Funny story: Dook University Develops Prescription Cigarette

Dook University Develops Prescription Cigarette

Durham, NC [PP] -- On Monday, Dook University released what may be a first for modern science, a therapeutic cigarette which could very well cure some forms of cancer. Dr. Ralph Jones, director of research says, "This is groundbreaking research, t...

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Funny story: FDA Reviews Previously Denied Drug Applications

FDA Reviews Previously Denied Drug Applications

Stocks are soaring for pharmaceutical companies as the FDA looks at easing regulatory restrictions for bringing new drugs to market. Even better for Big Pharma, the FDA will review drug applications that were denied in the past. But there are m...

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Funny story: Feds Seize Record 10 Tons Of Organic Chicken from KFC

Feds Seize Record 10 Tons Of Organic Chicken from KFC

The announcement by the FDA on Wednesday morning has sent a shock wave through the U.S. fast food industry and startled even its most loyal consumer base. The discovery, hidden in near plain sight within KFC's supply chain, has shaken the very t...

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