Nashville Man Successfully Forces Things

Written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 26 October 2019

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"You never know when fate might need a firm nudge," says Jake Hamilton.

Though frequently commended for his laid-back, easygoing manner, 46-year-old Jake Hamilton of Nashville. Tennessee, grew tired of waiting for life to start working for him, and made up his mind to start forcing things - which he did, with enormous success.

"I'd always been told you can't force things, or at least you shouldn't," said Hamilton. "Come to find out, I could, and I did. And it paid off in spades."

Among the situations that Hamilton successfully forced, was his dating life. "People always told me it'll happen when it happens. Everyone was very clear you definitely can't force love." He chuckled. "Well, it wasn't happening. And I'm pushing fifty. So I decided to take some steps."

The step he took was approaching an attractive woman he'd seen several times in the produce section of his neighborhood grocery store. As expected, forcing things wasn't easy.

"It was awkward, it was unnatural, it didn't flow, and it all seemed super creepy and weird," said Hamilton of his interaction with the woman, Theresa Smithson. "That's why they call it forcing, I guess."

Nevertheless, he muddled through and came out the other end with a phone number and, later, a date - which (with some mild forcing) has since blossomed into a wonderfully romantic relationship.

"It's good stuff," said Hamilton. "I'd say I feel lucky, except it wasn't luck. I made it happen."

Hamilton went on to successfully force a number of other situations, including some lame friendships, work stagnation, and creative opportunities. He continues to reap the benefits of taking matters into his own hands.

"They say it's all about the process," said Hamilton, "but the process sucked. I get why people don't enjoy forcing things, but man, did it get results."

For the time being, Hamilton plans to take a break from actively forcing things, and simply enjoy the fruits of his previous forced labor, but he says that he won't hesitate to resume forcing when and if circumstances so require.

"It's good to know I've got it in my back pocket if I need it," he said. "You never know when fate might need a firm nudge."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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