Storm Area 51 Facts And Figures Are In

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 22 September 2019

image for Storm Area 51 Facts And Figures Are In
Three 'terrorists' are terminated by the latest high-tech weapon system

Eyewitnesses in the Nevada desert towns of Rachel and Hiko last night, confirmed that only 150 of the expected two million visitors to Area 51 actually turned up at the site, leaving event organizers out of pocket.

The US military, however, disputed this, and has published its own 'official version of events'.

In a White House statement, this morning, it was claimed that:

"The 'terrorists', as the military referred to the 'Stormers of Area 51', numbered closer to a million, many of whom were armed with military-grade weapons.

Included in this 'million' were internationals from places as far flung as Iran, Afghanistan and China. Saudi Arabia may have sent a team of Rogue Operators.

Many of the stormers dropped litter.

There was a constant shouted demand to:

"Let us see the aliens! Let us see the aliens!"

This built into a crescendo, until, at 2:14pm, a contingent of terrorists broke down a perimeter fence in section 8, north-east. Jets were scrambled, and the trespassers were destroyed.

Another contingent managed to scale the fence at section 43, south-west at 2:58pm. They advanced about 300m into the base, before being cut down by machine gun fire.

Others lit fires outside the perimeter fence, and sat around the fires, talking and laughing. Some barbecued sausages on sticks.

The United States military will do all it can to protect the nation from its enemies. Any further attempts to make incursions onto the base will be met with similar action."

The 150 people who actually attended the 'Alienstock' and 'Storm Area 51 Basecamp' events told reporters they had enjoyed a lovely weekend, but said they wished the military had chosen a different weekend to carry out its weapons practice.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more