Citing that he had run out of things to steal on the planet, President Donald Trump, the leader of the free world, announced today his plan to launch himself into outer space on a mission he is calling "Make Mars Greaterer Again".
The man with his finger on the button was quoted as saying, "I've dumped as much industrial waste into the waters as humanly possible. I've raped every indigenous sacred land that's out there. I can't squeeze any more taxes out of people so poor that they are deceased. Frankly, I'm bored."
"I can't even move on this stupid planet. Everywhere I turn, I'm tripping over diamonds and gold bars. It's disgusting."
