Hillary Clinton falls off subway platform; saved by psychic Russian immigrant

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 20 October 2019

image for Hillary Clinton falls off subway platform; saved by psychic Russian immigrant
Ms. Clinton is considering this slogan for her 2020 campaign run

Despite the dramatic rescue of Hillary Clinton in front of a subway train, her rescuer may not be rewarded.

Yesterday, Ms. Clinton was addressing a subway platform crowd on “the Russian menace” when she accidentally fell (or was shoved) off a subway platform.

Immediately Elena Sokowski, editor and CEO of the New York magazine Large But Comfortable, leaped onto the tracks waving her arms at an oncoming train.

The subway vehicle stopped in time, according to New York Metropolitan Railway Management, “to save damage to the train itself.”

Ms. Sokowski weighed in at 432 pounds as of that morning, she said.

Ms. Clinton had been in the middle of a harangue against presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard when the incident occurred.

The problem was “the entire lot [of candidates] except for Joe Biden” being “vulnerable to Vladimir Putin’s influence, already in play for 2020.”

Ms. Clinton further maintained: “Any criticism of myself, or America, or Democratic policies is an automatic red flag--meaning Russian interference!”

“Look at Trump’s cut and run in Syria, after all our work on regime change and keeping the wars going in the middle east!”

Moreover, Ms. Clinton was not for long bewildered that her rescuer is a Russian immigrant who claims to have long discussions with Mr. Putin “every night.”

“I shut the eyes-zuh,” Ms. Sokowski said, “and Meester Putin he talk to me. Yah. He said I do good work saving Meez Clinton, for world peace!”

“But Mr. Putin and Ms. Clinton are opponents,” a reporter interjected.

“No, no, no! He partnering with whole whirl [world]. He loves Ms. Clinton!”

Ms. Clinton: “You see? This is the Russian world domination scheme right here, and, no doubt--and I say this without the slightest doubt--he had an agent shove me off the platform in the first place!”

“Either it was him or this Gabbard person.”

“And if not her then that other gaggle of communist candidates talking about taxing the rich and getting after housing and climate change and all that business.”

“And I wouldn’t be surprised if the Chicago Teacher’s Union and Greta Thunberg were involved in it too!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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