Hillary Takes A DNA Test

Written by mikewadestr

Sunday, 29 September 2019

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I knew I was president all along

Hillary Clinton recently took a DNA test to prove she is a descendant of royalty, and not Charles Ponzi as her parents had made known to her. The results of the test were stunning, proving she is not a descendant of royalty, nor of Charles Ponzi.

The breakdown of Hillary’s ancestry is as follows:

She is 20 percent computer server. After further research, it appears her grandfather was an HPE ProLiant DL360 Gen10 server who served in World War II as a top secret information depository commissioned under general Larry Stooge. Her grandfather met his wife shortly after the war at a discount electronics store. The two of them got married and started a family raising a shelf of DVD discs.

She is 20 percent nincompoop. Her great grandfather, Jerry Fool was a counterfeiter who bleached twenty-dollar bills, and then turned them into one dollar bills. He soon went bankrupt. To obtain money, he tried to rob some farmer’s horse dung from his barn, only to get caught leaving the barn with a large bag of manure. A judge sentenced him to six months of hard labor on a dope farm.

Hillary is 30 percent vindictive. She apparently had a grandmother named Sally Avenge who was a very scorned woman. Sally went after everyone who she believed had wronged her. When she was 50 years old, she was sent to prison for life when she murdered the CEO of a toilet paper manufacturer, when she discovered that a roll of toilet paper contained one less sheet than what was advertised. She killed the CEO by stuffing a soiled bunch of toilet paper down the CEO’s throat asphyxiating her.

She is 29 percent boring. She inherited her boring DNA from father Monotone Rodhm who is in the Guinness World Record book as the dullest person on Earth. Mr. Rodham once got rid of a roach infestation in his house by going into his kitchen and talking about the various types of sheet metal available in the consumer market. He ended up boring the roaches to death.

As of press time Hillary announced that her DNA test, also, revealed she is 1 percent president.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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