BILLINGSGATE POST: Everdingle was wearing his standard issue Dickies Short Sleave Mechanics Coveralls with a V-Neck, Fruit-Of-The-Loom white tee shirt underneath. A 9mm Heckler & Koch MPS sub-machine gun was strapped to his thigh. With his tailored coveralls allowing a generous fit in the shoulders and chest, the bi-swing back and elastic waist inserts offered him easy access to his weapon.
Both Slim and Detrick “Dirty Tricks” Detwiler had worked the White House Secret Service detail before joining the Deep Swamp Dredging Crew, an ultra-conservative action group dedicated to take back America by utilizing discarded penis pumps to drain the Washington swamp.
“F**king cicadas! Can’t stand their incessant chirping and hissing!”
“Cool it, Dirty. Why don’t you bore sight the bastards, and blast ‘em away with your Remington 870?”
“Don’t want to blow our cover.”
“Hey, Slim. Ain’t that Big Jim Comey dropping a bag. Here we go...Pigeon Drop 101.”
All this time, whiling away in the old Studebaker Champion, Slim was humming away an old Freddy Fender classic: “Wasted Days And Wasted Nights,” while squeezing off popcorn farts, nonetheless.
Suddenly, the night stood still. Even the cicadas honored the silence by ceasing the flapping of their wings.
“What the f**k is Comey wearing, for God’s sake?”
“Dirty, it looks like he be wearing one of J Edgar Hoover’s old feathered boas. But what about those silver, high-heeled pumps? He's teetering like a dipsomaniac, shambling petulantly from a groggery, mumbling umbrageous mumbo jumbo."
“Yo, Dude. That’s a mouthful. Who’s that gnarly bastard with him?”
“Not sure...Looks like Mueller. Heard that when he was a kid, he was so ugly his parents had to tie a porkchop around his neck so the family dog would play with him.”
“Slim, that’s big league ugly.”
"What the f**k is that?"
"Whatcha talking bout, Slim?"
Slim: "Looks like the tall guy with the boa is handing some papers over to the ugly guy."
Dirty: “Hope he doesn’t bend over. Looks like the ugly guy is carrying heat. Watch out for friendly fire."
NOTE: The next episode will cover the passing over of the dossier. Stay tuned!
