"I'm really more of a cat person," said Lisa Hayes, ineffectually attempting to justify her lack of appreciation for the latest adorable YouTube puppy video being circulated around the office. "Besides, doesn't anyone else have any work to do?"
Hayes's flimsy excuses held no truck with her coworkers, however.
"To each his own, I guess," said Hayes's longtime colleague, Ken Thornton. "But it's pretty weird."
Office manager Charlie Foxwell, the one to initiate the most recent round of video-watching after discovering a riveting three-minute clip of a month-old golden retriever wrestling with a stick, agreed. "The one thing psychopaths all have in common is torturing animals as a young kid," he said. "I'm not saying Lisa is doing that, of course, but her lack of interest in this freaking adorable puppy video is a little alarming."
He added that he plans to keep his distance from Hayes for the time being. "Why take chances?"
Hayes herself says that she is comfortable with the ostracism, claiming that she's used to it.
"I'm a vegan. It confuses people that I'm not interested in sitting around all day watching silly puppy videos, but I'm not into eating dead tortured animal flesh," she said. "It's a mind-fuck for them, which I get. Honestly, they're just not that smart. It's not their fault."