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Funny satire stories about Meat

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Funny story: PETA Protester Trampled, Eaten by Pigs

PETA Protester Trampled, Eaten by Pigs

Illinois farmer Jake ("Boss") Hogg was out walking his dogs early Monday morning, when he made a startling discovery. "It was awful quiet in the paddock. I couldn't see my hogs anywhere, so I walked the dogs around the perimeter of the fence.

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Funny story: "Clean Meat" Offers Potential for Cruelty-Free Eating without Unwanted Health Benefits

"Clean Meat" Offers Potential for Cruelty-Free Eating without Unwanted Health Benefits

If you're like many protein-avid Americans, who've been longing for a cruelty-free way of eating that doesn't come saddled with the myriad health benefits associated with typical vegan diets, cultured or "clean" meat could be just the ticket. "For...

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Funny story: Neocons Dismayed to Realize New "Public Charge" Rule Means Immigrants May Take Jobs Americans Actually Want

Neocons Dismayed to Realize New "Public Charge" Rule Means Immigrants May Take Jobs Americans Actually Want

While neoconservatives initially applauded President Donald Trump's new "public charge" rule, tying green card eligibility to immigrants' financial resources and education levels, they were dismayed to subsequently realize that the new law means that...

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Funny story: Omnivore Boasts that She's Not a Hypocrite for Eating Meat Because She Dislikes Dogs

Omnivore Boasts that She's Not a Hypocrite for Eating Meat Because She Dislikes Dogs

At a recent workplace luncheon, Ellen Harding of Charleston, South Carolina, lambasted her colleagues for their hypocrisy in chowing down on hot chicken and burgers while insisting how much they loved their pets. An omnivore herself, Ellen claimed th...

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Funny story: Dairy Industry Explains that What It Does to Bulls Is Totally Different from Bestiality

Dairy Industry Explains that What It Does to Bulls Is Totally Different from Bestiality

"It's not even in the same realm as bestiality," said Larry Wells, CEO of Vermont-based organic dairy company Wholesome Secretions, Inc., regarding the dairy industry practice of stimulating bulls' penises to collect the semen used to artificially in...

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Funny story: Meat-Lover Sends Thoughts and Prayers to Suffering Farmed Animals

Meat-Lover Sends Thoughts and Prayers to Suffering Farmed Animals

"Just because I eat meat doesn't mean I don't care about animals," said Josh Driscoll of Nashville, Tennessee. "I hate when people stereotype me just because I enjoy a good steak. Vegans are so judgmental." Driscoll went on to explain that every t...

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Funny story: Trump Acknowledges that Veganism Is a Social Justice Issue but Explains that He's Not Really Into Social Justice

Trump Acknowledges that Veganism Is a Social Justice Issue but Explains that He's Not Really Into Social Justice

Noting that the current American food system inherently relies on the torture and exploitation of living, sentient beings in order to supply Americans' meat-heavy diet, U.S. President Donald Trump acknowledged that veganism is a social justice issue,...

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Funny story: Open-Minded Boyfriend Supports Girlfriend in Her Vegan Hobby

Open-Minded Boyfriend Supports Girlfriend in Her Vegan Hobby

In order to support his vegan girlfriend, Kayla Meadows, in her hobbies, Nick Canto attended a plant-based nutrition conference with Kayla, tolerantly setting aside that, while Kayla seeks to live a life of non-violence in every respect, including wh...

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Funny story: Nashville Pig Declines to Be Featured in BBQ Restaurant Logo

Nashville Pig Declines to Be Featured in BBQ Restaurant Logo

A pig named Pete made waves recently when he declined a potentially lucrative opportunity to be featured in the logo for Nashville hot spot Happy Hog BBQ, despite admittedly not having an alternative source of income. Pete was reportedly immune to...

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Funny story: Nashville Woman Prays Over Thanksgiving Turkey and Reflects that Karma’s a Bitch

Nashville Woman Prays Over Thanksgiving Turkey and Reflects that Karma’s a Bitch

In gratitude for the Thanksgiving Day feast prepared by her mother and extended family, Carrie Grace Martin of Nashville, Tennessee, bowed her head in prayer, thanked the centerpiece stuffed turkey for his/her sacrifice, and reflected to herself that...

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Funny story: Global burger producer decides to add 'real, fresh meat' to their burgers

Global burger producer decides to add 'real, fresh meat' to their burgers

A sensational revolution is occurring in the burger world! Real, fresh meat is to replace the reconstituted crap normally on offer. Several burger kings were about to be declared veggies because basically there is no real meat in their crap anyway...

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Funny story: Diet of the Millennium? Unethical Veganism Overtakes Paleo (and Gluten-Free)

Diet of the Millennium? Unethical Veganism Overtakes Paleo (and Gluten-Free)

Decades following the publication of Australian philosopher Peter Singer's landmark treatise Animal Liberation, which prompted dozens (some say even hundreds) of morally-conscious Americans to adopt a vegan lifestyle for ethical reasons, experts have...

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Funny story: "Mmm, Tofurky!" Pleads Desperate Turkey in Final Week Before Thanksgiving

"Mmm, Tofurky!" Pleads Desperate Turkey in Final Week Before Thanksgiving

Clearly feeling the heat as he approached his looming slaughter at the age of six weeks, a bloated five-week-old teenage turkey desperately attempted to talk up the appeal of "mock meats" like the widely popular soy-based Tofurky. "Mmmm, Tofurky!"...

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Funny story: Brazil leads world in persuading it to become vegetarians by flogging rotten meat!

Brazil leads world in persuading it to become vegetarians by flogging rotten meat!

The Brazilian government have decided to jump on the vegan / vegetarian bandwagon by forcing it's meat producers to flog rotting meat to the rest of the world! Brazilian meat companies are earning mega-bucks by exporting rotting carcasses because...

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Funny story: Tarantino's "Blood'nGore Restaurants" to Open Soon

Tarantino's "Blood'nGore Restaurants" to Open Soon

Movie mogul Quentin Tarantino with a consortium of business friends has purchased a chain of abattoirs across Los Angeles. The abattoirs will still function as abattoirs but will now incorporate restaurants and special seating arrangements where clie...

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Funny story: Should We Eat Animals That Piss Us Off? Dolphin 'Smack Chatter' Reopens The Debate

Should We Eat Animals That Piss Us Off? Dolphin 'Smack Chatter' Reopens The Debate

We have come to think of dolphins as intelligent mammals; the sages of the sea, who have even been known to save a human or two caught in troubled waters. That status is now under review following groundbreaking research about to be published by The...

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Funny story: Cenk Uygur: Extraordinary, Unprecedented Anti-Corporation Rant (1/2)

Cenk Uygur: Extraordinary, Unprecedented Anti-Corporation Rant (1/2)

A recent "virulent" rant by Cenk Uygur has gone "viral" on Youtube... Oh, crap. Mere semantics again, isn't it? Anyways, have a look at this transcript. Responses on a snail-card please. Well, yeah, why not? After all highly eloquent and intellectually satisfying responses from Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin have already appeared... So don't be last in the race to the bottom. Still, wh...

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