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Funny satire stories about Meat

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Funny story: Wendy’s Hamburgers Have Drastically Shrunk in Size

Wendy’s Hamburgers Have Drastically Shrunk in Size

DETROIT – The beef shortage has already caused the price of beef to shoot through the roof. One customer at a Wendy’s in Detroit, ordered the Baconator burger. And when he opened his container box, he noticed that the two meats were both the si...

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Funny story: The Meat Of The Tale

The Meat Of The Tale

A notorious Carlisle steak thief has finally being apprehended after police used “baited meat” to lure him into a Londis in rural Cumbria. Thief, David Pattison, who looks like the back of a spoon had a baby with the Goblin King from Labyrinth, was...

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Funny story: Birmingham Zoo Gets Creative to Offset Operational Costs

Birmingham Zoo Gets Creative to Offset Operational Costs

(Birmingham, Alabama) As the Coronavirus continues to keep the country in a virtual lockdown state, many US businesses have had to shutter and weather the storm. For some, it can be a simple closing of a small shop or hair salon, but for others, it i...

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Funny story: Study Shows Most Americans Prefer Indefinite Isolation to Giving Up Bacon

Study Shows Most Americans Prefer Indefinite Isolation to Giving Up Bacon

Amidst the panic of coronavirus, the origins of which can be traced to a species of bat commonly eaten in China, a new study from the Make America Meat Again think tank in Raleigh, North Carolina, shows that most Americans prefer the prospect of inde...

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Funny story: "Heart-Healthy" Company Breakfast Spotlights Lowfat Yogurt

"Heart-Healthy" Company Breakfast Spotlights Lowfat Yogurt

In addition to offering turkey bacon and bran muffins with margarine, the "heart-healthy" breakfast offered by Nashville law firm, Miles Best LLP, spotlighted lowfat yogurt. "Nonfat can make people feel deprived, which is not sustainable," said Hu...

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Funny story: Burgers Infused with Pomegranate Cause Cancer and Heart Disease

Burgers Infused with Pomegranate Cause Cancer and Heart Disease

For those eager to complement their burgers, ketchup or barbecue sauce may be a safer bet than pomegranate, suggests a new study by the Meat in the Middle Foundation. According to the MIMF report, ground beef that was infused with pomegranate juic...

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Funny story: Farmer Finds Pasture-Raised Pork Chops Do Not Do Well in Direct Sunlight

Farmer Finds Pasture-Raised Pork Chops Do Not Do Well in Direct Sunlight

Montana farmer Kevin Johannesen, who prides himself on his ethically-sourced meat, has found that his free-range, pasture-raised pork chops do not do well in direct sunlight. "We thought that the direct light would  be good for boosting vitamin D...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Looks Himself in Mirror and Loses Face

Nashville Man Looks Himself in Mirror and Loses Face

After ingesting a plate of overcooked veal parmesan at a corporate dinner event in a dimlit downtown steakhouse, Joshua Hicks of Nashville, Tennessee, glanced up at the mirrored wall to make sure he didn't have any tomato sauce on his white shirt, on...

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Funny story: "Surprise Meat" Latest in Healthier Animal Products Market

"Surprise Meat" Latest in Healthier Animal Products Market

Recognizing that cows, chickens, pigs, and other farmed animals are flooded with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline in the moments of anticipation prior to their brutal slaughterhouse death, making their flesh that much unhealthier for huma...

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Funny story: PETA Protester Trampled, Eaten by Pigs

PETA Protester Trampled, Eaten by Pigs

Illinois farmer Jake ("Boss") Hogg was out walking his dogs early Monday morning, when he made a startling discovery. "It was awful quiet in the paddock. I couldn't see my hogs anywhere, so I walked the dogs around the perimeter of the fence.

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Funny story: "Clean Meat" Offers Potential for Cruelty-Free Eating without Unwanted Health Benefits

"Clean Meat" Offers Potential for Cruelty-Free Eating without Unwanted Health Benefits

If you're like many protein-avid Americans, who've been longing for a cruelty-free way of eating that doesn't come saddled with the myriad health benefits associated with typical vegan diets, cultured or "clean" meat could be just the ticket. "For...

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Funny story: Neocons Dismayed to Realize New "Public Charge" Rule Means Immigrants May Take Jobs Americans Actually Want

Neocons Dismayed to Realize New "Public Charge" Rule Means Immigrants May Take Jobs Americans Actually Want

While neoconservatives initially applauded President Donald Trump's new "public charge" rule, tying green card eligibility to immigrants' financial resources and education levels, they were dismayed to subsequently realize that the new law means that...

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Funny story: Omnivore Boasts that She's Not a Hypocrite for Eating Meat Because She Dislikes Dogs

Omnivore Boasts that She's Not a Hypocrite for Eating Meat Because She Dislikes Dogs

At a recent workplace luncheon, Ellen Harding of Charleston, South Carolina, lambasted her colleagues for their hypocrisy in chowing down on hot chicken and burgers while insisting how much they loved their pets. An omnivore herself, Ellen claimed th...

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Funny story: Dairy Industry Explains that What It Does to Bulls Is Totally Different from Bestiality

Dairy Industry Explains that What It Does to Bulls Is Totally Different from Bestiality

"It's not even in the same realm as bestiality," said Larry Wells, CEO of Vermont-based organic dairy company Wholesome Secretions, Inc., regarding the dairy industry practice of stimulating bulls' penises to collect the semen used to artificially in...

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Funny story: Meat-Lover Sends Thoughts and Prayers to Suffering Farmed Animals

Meat-Lover Sends Thoughts and Prayers to Suffering Farmed Animals

"Just because I eat meat doesn't mean I don't care about animals," said Josh Driscoll of Nashville, Tennessee. "I hate when people stereotype me just because I enjoy a good steak. Vegans are so judgmental." Driscoll went on to explain that every t...

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Funny story: Trump Acknowledges that Veganism Is a Social Justice Issue but Explains that He's Not Really Into Social Justice

Trump Acknowledges that Veganism Is a Social Justice Issue but Explains that He's Not Really Into Social Justice

Noting that the current American food system inherently relies on the torture and exploitation of living, sentient beings in order to supply Americans' meat-heavy diet, U.S. President Donald Trump acknowledged that veganism is a social justice issue,...

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Funny story: Open-Minded Boyfriend Supports Girlfriend in Her Vegan Hobby

Open-Minded Boyfriend Supports Girlfriend in Her Vegan Hobby

In order to support his vegan girlfriend, Kayla Meadows, in her hobbies, Nick Canto attended a plant-based nutrition conference with Kayla, tolerantly setting aside that, while Kayla seeks to live a life of non-violence in every respect, including wh...

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