Trump Orders Mueller Have His Gums Painted Purple For Lying

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 29 July 2019

image for Trump Orders Mueller Have His Gums Painted Purple For Lying
Paint 'em Purple

BILLINGSGATE POST: Like a demented rat (genus Rattus) munching on cream cheese with rubber-tipped teeth, so that no one might hear him, Special Counsel Robert Mueller mealy-mouthed his way through two House committee hearings last week.

Mueller, when questioned about the Steele dossier, appeared comatose until mention was made of two Russian hookers compromising Trump by emptying their bladders on his hotel bed. Citing Justice Department protocol, he disdainfully purred that this is “beyond my purview.”

Back in the White House, the most powerful man in the world squinted his eyes, questioning if he would ever have a chance to clear his name. Momentarily, his mind shifted back to Michael Cohen’s testimony regarding Stormy Daniels.

“Lying bastards, both,” he muttered. “I’m going to have to give Mueller the same treatment I gave Cohen.”

He was referring, of course, to the dreaded “Gentian Violet” remedy.

In the Joseph Heller novel, Catch 22, faced with separating the very ill and injured from the malingerers who were trying to get out of fighting the war, Dr. Daneeka ordered his staff to admit to the hospital anyone who had a temperature over 102 degrees. If their temperature was less than 102, they were to be given a laxative and their gums were to be painted purple with Gentian Violet.

“Slim, I want his gums painted with Gentian Violet. And don’t forget to give him a double dose of Sal Hapatica.”

“Mr. President, the sumbitch will never lie again.”

“They will think I'm crazy, Slim. But you can't let crazy people decide if you are crazy."

Slim: “You’re right, Mr President. In Ken Kesey’s novel, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, McMurphy says the court told him that ‘a psychopath’s a guy fights too much and f**ks too much, but they ain’t wholly right, do you think? I mean, whoever heard tell of a man gettin’ too much poozle?’”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Paint ‘em purple, Slim-o. I’ll do the enema.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more