Mueller Report - Investigators "Mostly Doing Blow"

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Saturday, 27 July 2019

image for Mueller Report - Investigators "Mostly Doing Blow"
Bolshevik Revolution or another? ... Important thing - KILL PEOPLE for POWER.

WASHINGTON DC - Former FBI Director Robert Swan Mueller III had NO—F*CKING—CLUE as he sat before the House Judiciary Committee, trying to answer questions about a so-called "Mueller Report." After the incredibly sad performance of the Special Counsel before Congress, legal analysts began to admit that the "Mueller Report", which was released in April 2019, was "crap."

Anonymous sources within the FBI headquarters have admitted that the majority of $34 million spent by the Special Counsel "probably had nothing to do with Russia." Aside from lawyers claiming extravagant expenses for reimbursement, there are suggestions that money went to cocaine, hookers, and possible trips to a place called "Pedophile Island."

The derangement among Democrats has gotten so out of control, that Matt Drudge (independent journalist) recommends "drug testing for everyone in Washington DC ... everyone!"

In early 2017, the primary mission of the NSA may have been shifted to HACKING the security systems of Trump Tower, in order to obtain "upskirt" pictures of Ivanka Trump. In one leaked email, a CIA "operative" compliments an NSA "specialist" for a SWEET-A$$ image of Ivanka golfing in a yellow sundress. (Note: related pictures can be found in a public image search, and she does have a nice derrière.)

"Dog turd" is probably the best description for the work of the CIA into revealing Russian efforts to undermine 2016 US elections. According to FaceBook, "Russian trolls" spent $100,000 on social media ads. The analysts at the CIA "confirmed to Democrats in Congress" that $100,000 in FaceBook ads resulted in Donald J. Trump winning the US Presidential Election.

So ... the Democrats spent roughly $1.5 BILLION for the 2016 US elections, and LOST to "Russian trolls" over $100,000 ?!!!

In fairness to the Democratic National Committee (DNC), their servers got "hacked" during the 2016 elections.... However, they really couldn't let the FBI examine the computers, because 80% of the server storage contained porn, illegally-obtained blackmail on political opposition, and bribery-related money transfers.

Democrats in Congress demand a "do over."

Jerry Nadler (D-NY): "Let's admit Mueller was braindead, and the last two years were a wank-fest at the FBI.... However, if we can get $600 million for more Russia investigation, then we can take the next 27 years to FINALLY get rid of Trump."

Political consultants say that there are dozens of NSA internment camps which sit empty in remote areas of the US, because Hillary Clinton lost in 2016. Plans for the CIA to "re-educate" capitalists, right-wing Christians, and limited government constitutionalists had to be scrapped when Donald Trump was sworn-in as president.

Still, radical Marxist-Socialists in the US remain hopeful that America will become "the next Venezuela" in 2020 if Democrats can put the right kind of Josef Stalin or Chairman Mao in the White House.


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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