Trump-Weary Americans Eager to Experience the "P" in PTSD

Written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 16 July 2019

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Trump-traumatized Americans cling to the hope of PTSD, which many consider "a real step up."

In the face of accelerating climate chaos, threatened raids on undocumented immigrants and their families, and incessant presidential tweets reminding them of the maturity level of the person leading their nation, many Americans say that they are eager to get past their ongoing trauma and experience the "P" in PTSD.

"Post-traumatic stress disorder isn't easy," said social psychologist Dr. Amy Montrose. "Even so, given the choice, many Americans say they'd prefer PTSD to the daily trauma of Donald Trump."

Ricky Hutchinson of Boston, Massachusetts, is one such American. "I'm sure there will be a lot of grieving," he said, "and that's okay. At the end of the day, I view PTSD as a real step up. It's really my best hope."

Caleb Littleton of Denver, Colorado, takes a similar view. And, as someone who's experimented extensively with hallucinogenics, he says that he feels especially well-equipped to handle the flashbacks that sometimes accompany PTSD.

"No sweat," he said. "Metaphorically speaking, that is. Physically, I'm sure there'll be lots of sweating. But I'm prepared to feel all those feelings. At this point, I really just want to stop adding to the PTSD pile. There's plenty of material already."

And April Stark, a data analyst living in New York City, is likewise ready to get past the Trump-trauma and transition to the onset of full-fledged PTSD - and she has little trepidation about making the shift. "It's just the next phase in my spiritual development," she said. "Maybe there'll be a medication change or two, but otherwise I think it'll go pretty smoothly."

Trump himself denied the existence of any chief-executive-caused trauma and expressed skepticism regarding the validity of such clinical diagnoses as PTSD. "Making America great again requires rolling up our sleeves and getting our hands a little dirty," he said. "I'd suggest people stop being babies about it all and just get on with it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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