Why Wile E Coyote Will Never Be Invited To The White House For Victory Lap

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 14 July 2019

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BILLINGSGATE POST: Of course, no one dumb enough to bet on Wile E Coyote to beat the Road Runner should entrust his bankroll to Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler. But that, as simple a doctrine as could be, nevertheless, is violated on a daily basis by guys with more degrees than brains.

Respectfully, and I ask this question with little chance of an honest answer: Would Wile E Coyote accept an invite from President Trump if he should ever defeat the Road Runner? Note that, unless I’m wrong, in more than one hundred episodes, no matter how cleverly conceived, the plan by Wile E Coyote to drop a Gravity Controlled ACME Anvil on the Road Runner has inevitably backfired.

A better question; why would President Trump take a chance of inviting Coyote if he should ever defeat the Road Runner when, as Nathan Detroit, a Damon Runyon character in Guys and Dolls, said it best: “Everybody in the whole world who hates me is now here.”?

Soccer player Megan Rapinoe, who led the USA to its World Cup victory, despite suffering from the dual curse of ramshackle ovaries and clapboard breasts, voluntarily excluded herself from a victory lap in the White House after winning the World Cup. Her reason: Trump’s message “excludes people that look like me.”

Slim Everdingle: “That excludes no one.”

Dirty: "The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's why Rapinoe sucks.”

UPDATE: Rapinoe, who also won the World Cup’s Golden Boot, signed an exclusive contract with Glandex Anal Gland Support for Dogs. Their “boot the scoot!” slogan refers to the despicable habit of canines with itchy assholes to scoot their butts over the carpet to reduce the itch, a nasty affliction with which Rapinoe can identify.

Unrelated, but of interest to all: Washington Governor Jay Inslee offered Rapinoe the job of Secretary of State if he is elected President, all but making him a mortal lock for winning the Democrat Primary.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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