1924 Volvo BlueRinse - A Return of an old favourite

Written by Doubting Thomas

Saturday, 15 June 2019

image for 1924 Volvo BlueRinse - A Return of an old favourite
Oh God, not him again. Our Motoring Correspondent won't shut up

Inital Impressions

Based largely on a 1970s Volvo, the BlueRinse version is geared specifically at rich Tory supporters. It comes complete with looped Churchill recordings and a unique anti-darky system that deliberately avoids any petrol station run by people with brown skin.

Handling & Drivablilty

There isn't any. The driving position is open to the elements, and works along the simple principle that, if you aren't rich enough to sit in the back, you are scum. The driving position has no roof, no driver aids and no safety. To be fair though, the vehicle does come with a free pair of goggles for your chauffeur, and is highly recommended by Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Equipment and Trim

The rear of the vehicle is padded with swan, and is trimmed by the skins of poor people. It also comes equipped with frequent recordings of Margaret Thatcher or Adolf Hitler, according to taste. For those on a budget, there is always the "Tory" trim, which comes with a couple of kilos of free cocaine and two fake passports.

Safety and Security
There are absolutely no driver aids as this vehicle was first designed in 1924. There are a number of safety measures for passengers, including bulletproof glass, ejector seats and poison gas. Sadly, all of these are only available as custom options, and so far have yet to reach the mass market.

Running Costs

Initial purchase prices may appear incredibly high. They involve several billions invested in an offshore account - preferably Switzerland or Bermuda, membership of the Conservative party, or even both. The manufacturer has assured us that there is ongoing demand for such vehicles, and customers as far flung as Nigeria, North Korea and Yemen are keen to buy more.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more