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Funny satire stories about Big Pharma

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Funny story: The Hymie COWVID19 tragedy

The Hymie COWVID19 tragedy

Old McDonald’s White Farm - We knew Hymie was special when we brought him in from the fields that warm September, when we were young and shallow fellows. All of us wanted to be the one chosen to eat him. But I was the one who drew the long st...

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Funny story: CDC Partners with Bayer AG to Disinfect the Woods

CDC Partners with Bayer AG to Disinfect the Woods

Cognizant that months of sheltering in place will have made people especially vulnerable to bacterial hazards, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has partnered with Bayer AG, which acquired what used to be Monsanto in June of 2018, to dis...

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Funny story: Purdue Pharma Recommends Oxycontin for Treating Coronavirus Self-Quarantine Symptoms

Purdue Pharma Recommends Oxycontin for Treating Coronavirus Self-Quarantine Symptoms

While there is currently no known cure for COVID-19 itself, Purdue Pharma, the maker of the opioid drug Oxycontin, issued a statement recommending Oxycontin for off-label use in treating the symptoms of coronavirus self-quarantine – which may include...

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Funny story: Trump Dismisses Depression Epidemic as "Fake Blues"

Trump Dismisses Depression Epidemic as "Fake Blues"

A proponent of positive thinking, United States President Donald Trump dismissed the wave of depression, anxiety, and other mental illness reportedly sweeping the nation as “fake blues.” “As Abraham Lincoln said, most folks are about as happy as t...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Fails Non-Inferiority Trial

Nashville Man Fails Non-Inferiority Trial

Despite promising early research results as a potential non-toxic antidote to singlehood, Kyle Strickland of Nashville, Tennessee, failed a non-inferiority trial and ultimately was not approved as Christina Angelo’s new boyfriend. “It’s disappoint...

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Funny story: Desperate FDA Considers Changing Name to "Pizza and Drugs Administration"

Desperate FDA Considers Changing Name to "Pizza and Drugs Administration"

Desperate to boost its credibility and popular appeal, the Food and Drug Administration is reportedly considering changing its name to the "Pizza and Drugs Administration". "The 'Pizza' wouldn't be referring to just pizza, of course," emphasized F...

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Funny story: Shrekli Had Prices of Pharmaceutical Products to Reduce World Population, As Well As Other Insurance Companies

Shrekli Had Prices of Pharmaceutical Products to Reduce World Population, As Well As Other Insurance Companies

It is rumored that Martin Shrekli raised the prices of pharmaceutical products to lessen the total world population, being part of a secret organization that shares the same views as he does. Raising the prices of pills that prevented amenable mo...

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Funny story: Bank of America Brags that at Least It Never Sold Oxycontin

Bank of America Brags that at Least It Never Sold Oxycontin

Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan was thrilled to truthfully announce that, apart from the bank's history of fraudulent acts and misuse of customers' cash, at least it never sold the prescription opioid Oxycontin, the highly addictive nature of whic...

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Funny story: Big Pharma Introduces Medication to Cure Creativity

Big Pharma Introduces Medication to Cure Creativity

With a wave of artists and perforners coming out about their experiences with depression, anxiety and other mood disorders, Big Pharma giant Smerck & Co. believes that it has found the solution - by more accurately pinpointing the problem. "Ar...

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Funny story: In Response to Opioid Crisis, Big Pharma Gets to Work on Developing Drugs that Can Be Taken All Day Every Day for Entire Lifetime without Fear of Addiction

In Response to Opioid Crisis, Big Pharma Gets to Work on Developing Drugs that Can Be Taken All Day Every Day for Entire Lifetime without Fear of Addiction

Facing criticism and high-stakes lawsuits from consumers alleging that drug companies intentionally hid the addiction risks of opioids, Big Pharma has announced that it’s gotten to work on developing new painkilling medications that can be taken all...

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Funny story: Side-Effect-Free, Comparably Effective Depression Medication: Prescription Placebos

Side-Effect-Free, Comparably Effective Depression Medication: Prescription Placebos

After a number of published - or, more often, unpublished - studies called into serious doubt whether antidepressants were any more effective in treating clinical depression than placebos, Big Pharma giant Smerck & Co. transformed a potentially c...

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Funny story: United States Boasts Skyrocketing Exercise Rates - In Futility

United States Boasts Skyrocketing Exercise Rates - In Futility

While less than 25 percent of Americans are getting the recommended amount of most forms of exercise, exercise rates are no less than skyrocketing in one particular area: futility. Kent Bellow, CEO of pharmaceutical giant Smerck & Co., applaud...

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Funny story: Big Pharma Sues L.A. Comedy Club for Claiming Laughter is Best Medicine

Big Pharma Sues L.A. Comedy Club for Claiming Laughter is Best Medicine

Pharmaceutical giant Myzer Inc. filed a lawsuit against Los Angeles comedy club Laugh It Off, seeking to prevent the club from proclaiming in its marketing materials that laughter is the best medicine. “They’re not qualified physicians,” noted Myz...

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Funny story: Party Time as Makers of Viagra, Chapstick and Sensodyne Toothpaste Combine

Party Time as Makers of Viagra, Chapstick and Sensodyne Toothpaste Combine

"It's a no-brainer. Who wouldn't want to sell all the ingredients for the after-party? Viagra for that long lasting erection, along with Sensodyne for oral health, and Chapstick to moisten those dry, cracked lips. We also do Panadol for the hangover,...

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Funny story: New York Man Credits Antidepressants with Saving His Life (or at Least Possibly Helping a Little)

New York Man Credits Antidepressants with Saving His Life (or at Least Possibly Helping a Little)

Rich Jones of New York City credits anti-depressant medications with saving his life, or at least, possibly helping a little. "Instead of total despair, i now just feel generally blah," reported Rich. "For that, I have these drugs to thank.” R...

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Funny story: Two-Thirds of Americans Are Despondent But Only One-Third Are Clinically Depressed/Suicidal

Two-Thirds of Americans Are Despondent But Only One-Third Are Clinically Depressed/Suicidal

A report published today in JAMA Internal Medicine revealed that that the emotional state of the large majority (63 percent) of Americans is general despondency, but the good news is that only slightly more than one-third (34 percent) are clinically...

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Funny story: Am I crazy, or am I lead deficient?

Am I crazy, or am I lead deficient?

Tel Aviv IL: Pharmer Pharmaceuticals is drawing criticism over an alleged breakthrough psychiatric drug which is touted as a first in it's class. There are currently 3 groups of medications used for epilepsy, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. Amon...

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