De Blasio Pledges to Bring NYC Carriage Horses to White House if Elected

Written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 25 June 2019

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If he makes it to the White House, de Blasio won't be leaving NYC carriage horses behind.

After failing to follow through on the promise he made on the day he took mayoral office in 2014, to eliminate New York City's cruel and archaic carriage horse industry, Mayor Bill de Blasio has vowed to bring every last NYC carriage horse with him to Washingtom, D.C., if he is elected president.

"They won't have to work anymore, of course," said de Blasio. "The main thing is just to get them out of New York."

De Basic explained that his first act as president will be to declare Washington an equine sanctuary city, so that the beleaguered horses won't ever again have to worry about being pressed into involuntary servitude for the sake of insensitive, unimaginative couples desperate for romantic-sounding ideas to improve their relationship.

De Blasio acknowledged that the logistics of transporting and housing all of the retired carriage horses may prove challenging, but said that he is confident that he will be able to find the horses suitable lodging and accommodations on the White House grounds, at least until it's safe for them to return to New York.

"After all, the White House was built by slaves," noted de Blasio. "So there's got to be some temporary housing somewhere on the premises."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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