Meat-Lover Sends Thoughts and Prayers to Suffering Farmed Animals

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 14 June 2019

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Josh Driscoll resents being stereotyped simply because he enjoys eating animal flesh. "Vegans are so judgmental."

"Just because I eat meat doesn't mean I don't care about animals," said Josh Driscoll of Nashville, Tennessee. "I hate when people stereotype me just because I enjoy a good steak. Vegans are so judgmental."

Driscoll went on to explain that every time he bites into a burger, he calls to mind, with great appreciation, the immense sacrifice made by the cows, chickens, pigs, and other living beings who live out their lives in conditions of horrific suffering and filth, without even a moment's pleasure, before they're sent off to premature deaths at an assembly-line slaughterhouse.

"The animals give us so much," said Driscoll, who feels that he honors the animals every time that he sits down to a plate of their cooked flesh. "And how can vegans fully appreciate that when they never even eat them?"

Nor is Driscoll oblivious to the suffering of egg-laying hens and dairy cows, who are forcibly impregnated again and again, never to bond with their babies. "They've got a tough gig," he said. "I think of them, too, and send thoughts and prayers every night after dinner when I scoop out my ice cream."

That said, despite his deep reverence and respect for all sentient beings, Driscoll doesn't feel it appropriate to overly dramatize animals' conditions, or to presume that farmed animals should somehow be immune from the basic challenges of life.

"I've had some crappy jobs in my lifetime, too," he said. "It's something we all have to deal with."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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