Trump “tempers” Bolton and Pompeo in special White House ops

Written by joseph k winter

Monday, 13 May 2019

image for Trump “tempers” Bolton and Pompeo in special White House ops
"I did NOT spank him," Mr. Trump remarked. "This is FAKE news!"

Last week Mr. Trump indicated that at times he must “temper” Mr. Bolton’s enthusiasm for threatening other countries.

He stated that “John is a good man," while adding a “but” that, fortunately, at times Mr. Trump needs to control him and calm him down.

He did not add that Mr. Bolton resembles a pit-bull intent on lunging at people’s ankles as they pass by, eyeballs rolling and "with fury in his throat.”

(Source here unknown, with both Melania and Bannon dismissed as possible. General Kelly? Hmmm.)

Mr. Pompeo is also a problem.

The President reports that Mr. Pompeo is currently preoccupied with "how many wars can one Secretary of State encourage within a one year time-frame" efforts at this time.

Not that Mr. Trump is entirely against war as a tempting and juicy option on the table, but he prefers to "threaten war so he can make a deal and come out the other end a hero and savior."

Foreign policy games were never more challenging than at the present time.

However, now emerging, White House sources indicate Mr. Trump employs "a set of ritual calming programs to manage and temper" these employees.

Set and Settle Procedure 1:

Eating. Mr. Trump sets a bountiful table to includes cheeseburgers, taco-bell menu, pizzas, cheese cakes, and strawberry cream pies.

Set and Settle Procedure 2:

Female companionship. Assorted escort services are employed in sending "hand-holders and other services" to provide comfort and "distraction from the grievous tensions of foreign policy."

Set and Settle Procedure 3:

Getting up a huge bonfire in The White House backyard. Participants can hurl fuel and explosive devices into the burn, as well as dance around it while screaming, "F**k you, you motherf**kers!"

Set and Settle Procedure 4 (reported at "most intellectually satisfying"):

The three men, assisted by White House Staff, are blindfolded. They stand within six feet of a large world map. Darts are provided.

The challenge is to hurl a dart into the map so that it lands in a place not currently housing military bases or being considered for regime change.

Mr. Bolton is reportedly very good at this game, with some suspicion he cheats with his blindfold (lifting it and sneaking).

Mr. Trump. "Yes, probably. But what the hell. It keeps him happy."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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