BILLINGSGATE POST: Those beady eyes that peered back at President Trump from the mirror when he adjusted his albino raccoon hairpiece missed nothing. The gift from Vladimir Putin to Trump was a stealth bomb. Somehow, the Secret Service failed to find the camera and recording device hidden in the hair swirls that gave the Russians surreptitious access to everything Trump did or said.
Legal scholars could argue that one’s hairpiece was sacrosanct; part of the very being of the person wearing it. Is nothing sacred? But Congresswoman Maxine Waters, who incidentally sued her own false teeth for biting her on the neck, wanted blood.
“Impeach him and the albino raccoon hairpiece he rode in on,” Maxine screamed from the broomstick she used for transportation.
It was Slim Everdingle who first spotted the sumbitch.
While giving an intelligence briefing to the President, Slim was wearing his classic white tee-shirt and Dickies Short Sleeve Mechanic's Coveralls. Allowing for a generous fit in the shoulders and chest, its bi-swing back and elastic waist inserts offered Slim classic comfort and protection for his clandestine operations.
Whispering to his sidekick, Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler, at the same time furtively throwing a head fake that left the eyeballs of the albino raccoon ricocheting off each other, he grabbed a loose hair of the suspect raccoon and slowly unraveled the 600 foot strand that housed the combination camera and listening device that recorded every word and action emanating from the most powerful man on the face of the Earth.
A tag on the hairpiece: (KGB - Handle With Care)
“WTF? How was the Secret Service to know?” said the bemused Dirty.
“I thought it was made in Boca Raccoon, Florida.”
“We better get rid of this before Maxine Waters gets a hold of it.”
Too late. The subpoena was already delivered.
The talking heads agreed: A CONSTITUTIONAL CRISIS!