In a startling development giving a rare insight into the thought processes, and wants and desires of the man who is President Donald Trump, a secret list was leaked to the press.
- I need to find people who won't question my authority.
- I need to have people stop fact-checking me. If the President says it, it must be true.
- People shouldn't say mean things about Vlad Putin.
- Replace the red in red, white and blue with orange, so it's orange, white, and blue.
- Under no circumstances should anyone be allowed to see the Trump tax returns.
When contacted, the White House insisted the list was an April Fool's Day joke.