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Funny satire stories about heavy metal

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Church of Satan Sues Led Zeppelin

Funny story: Church of Satan Sues Led Zeppelin

Auntie Sandra Levi, High Priestess of The Church of Satan, filed a lawsuit this week alleging that rock band Led Zeppelin plagiarized the copyrighted liturgy of her church. "When they recorded the subliminal Satanic lyrics in Stairway to Heaven, t...

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Local Death Metal Band Becoming Too Predictable

Funny story: Local Death Metal Band Becoming Too Predictable

Local metal band "Hardly What The Name Indicates" now struggling with identity crisis after being told by fans they were "too predictable," and "not br00tal enough". The band is known for generic blast beats, highly technical arrangements, and impos...

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Supreme Court Justices Form Heavy Metal Band Called 'SCROTUS'

Funny story: Supreme Court Justices Form Heavy Metal Band Called 'SCROTUS'

WASHINGTON-On Monday, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts announced that he and the other justices will take a break from hearing oral arguments and focus on their music, or as Roberts calls it, "The Pain." The 5-4 decision came after six mon...

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Heavy Metal Frontman Really Scared of Satan

Funny story: Heavy Metal Frontman Really Scared of Satan

Jason Creel of Deth Knell says he had an epiphany three years ago in a Little Rock motel and since then his relationship with Satan, the embodiment of all evil in the world, has never been the same. "Let me put it this way," he said while sitting...

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Doctor Phil's son in, 'metal band.'

Funny story: Doctor Phil's son in, 'metal band.'

Doctor Phil's son Jordan has joined a metal band with which he ridicules his father. It is apparent. 'My band Philophile's first album is about Doctor Phil in general,' says the "Doctor's" son, Jordan. 'Yea I tried growing my hair out long but th...

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Metal Band Steel Panther Awarded Nobel Prize....ish Accolade

Funny story: Metal Band Steel Panther Awarded Nobel Prize....ish Accolade

Amsterdam, Netherlands-- In the shadow of Mondays announcements of this years Nobel Prize recipients in Stockholm, Sweden, a much lesser known yet equally prestigious set of awards were doled out a mere 1400 km away in the Netherlands. Metal band St...

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Afghan headbangers in Kabul prove that the Taliban are full of "poppies"!

Funny story: Afghan headbangers in Kabul prove that the Taliban are full of "poppies"!

A local headbangers concert in Kabul, involving local heay-metal bands has proved to the world that they can "head-bang it" as good as anybody, albeit the Taliban did not participate because of their turbans. The organisor of the event, Australian...

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British Heavy Metal Band Blamed For Betrayal Of Jesus

Funny story: British Heavy Metal Band Blamed For Betrayal Of Jesus

A new survey has revealed a shocking level of ignorance surrounding Easter and the events of Holy Week, amongst the general public. The survey, which was conducted by the respected agnostic journal, Navel-Gazing Today, was both scientific and repr...

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Rush: Why Do You Dorks Like This Band?

Funny story: Rush: Why Do You Dorks Like This Band?

Stop it now. For some reason you dorks really like this band and I'm telling you they're not cool. The fact that they're still around, 40 years after they started, is scary and disappointing, because it means today's young generation of dorks will be downloading them to their iPods just as feverishly as their parents bought their albums, 8-tracks, cassettes, and CDs. Well, I'm telling you to stop...

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Royal Ballet Principal Quits For Death Metal Band

Funny story: Royal Ballet Principal Quits For Death Metal Band

The world of dance is reeling this morning following the news that Sergei Polunin has quit as a principal with the Royal Ballet. Royal Opera House sources are mystified as to why the 21-year-old Ukrainian - the youngest dancer to be made a princip...

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New Steel Panther Album May Lead to Another Medical Miracle

Last summer they inadvertently helped to treat cancer, along with erectile dysfunction. Now in the months following the release of Steel Panther's new album "Balls Out", a study is showing that infertility may be the next medical miracle brought for...

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Music of Steel Panther Believed to Have Link to Cure for Cancer and ED

Funny story: Music of Steel Panther Believed to Have Link to Cure for Cancer and ED

Researchers at the Pettrucci Center for Musical Research have released preliminary results of a study between the music of Heavy Metal Icons Steel Panther, and the spread and onset of remission of many forms of cancer. "We had reason to believe t...

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Police Target Metal Thieves

Funny story: Police Target Metal Thieves

Police forces across the country are gearing up to combat a major increase in thefts from heavy metal bands. Hot on the heels of thieves stealing guitars worth over £6,500 from a Led Zeppelin tribute band in Dundee, fans of the legendary Motorhead...

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Iron Maiden Frontman Jailed

Funny story: Iron Maiden Frontman Jailed

Paul Andrews, former lead singer of heavy Metal band Iron Maiden has been jailed for 9 months after admitting benefit fraud. Andrews, stage name Paul Di'Anno, claimed £45,000 in benefits despite still touring in his own right, and was found guilty...

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Gulf Coast Designated National Mosh Pit

In what many observers are calling another attempt to make lemonade out of lemons, President Obama announced today that the gulf coast region has been designated a National mosh pit. The president stated, "In designating this area a national trea...

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Led Zeppelin To Record A Christmas Album

Funny story: Led Zeppelin To Record A Christmas Album

LONDON - The manager of Led Zeppelin Christopher Dutchmill has stated that in lieu of going on tour, the heavy metal British band will instead record a Christmas album. Dutchmill stated that the reason that LZ decided against going on tour was due...

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Hellmouth Opens in Grounds of Knebworth House

Funny story: Hellmouth Opens in Grounds of Knebworth House

The Occult News is reporting that about 50,000 demons have been spotted rampaging around the grounds of Knebworth House near Stevenage, prompting fears that a new Hellmouth has opened. The demons, many of them pasty teenagers or pot-bellied middle...

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New Metal Occult Band formed by Alisteir Crowley, Jimmy Page and Jaz

As a reaction to the rejection of my superb piece relating to a spoof press conference held by Jaz from Killing Joke I immediately called Jaz and informed him of the apparent lack of understanding and acceptance for esoterical/occult subject matter on the spoof site. In his anger he immediately informed the satanic underworld, touched based with Alisteir who in - turn informed Jimmy Page and t...

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