BILLINGSGATE POST: What your political values are can affect your breath and teeth. Until recently, it was only suspected that leftist leaning socialists were more prone to terminal halitosis and scaly green teeth.
In a project funded by the RNC, highly respected La Fontaine College was awarded a grant to study the correlation between liberalism and bad breath. Resident scholar and Dean of Social Studies at the college, Dr. Slim Everdingle, published the results of a two-year study that matched politicians like Bernie Sanders and Nancy Pelosi against their counterparts on the conservative side of the aisle.
Partnering with his sidekick, Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler, who tracked and collected sputum expectorated from likely socialists including the above, it was evident that a correlation existed.
Excerpts from the study:
Dirty: “Ever notice how Ms. Pelosi is always sucking on her teeth? Has halitosis so bad her dog turns away from her. Has to wear a porkchop around her neck just to get the mutt to give her the time of day. Same with Sanders. Can’t use a TelePrompTer because it fogs over when he tries to read from it.”
Dr. Slim: “I’ve seen alligators with less green scale on their teeth than those sumbitches.”
Dirty: “Makes me sick just thinking about those egg-suckin socialists.”
Dr. Slim: “Amen, Bro. Makes Fly-Face look like paragon of healthy living.”