There was excitement in Mithering on the Trent this evening, when Snotty Bob Gravy was so drunk that he mistook a stop sign for his old mate Andrew. ‘Bob Gravy is the town’s well-known lightweight, able to appear drunk after a pint of lager, so he…
Determined to kick his debilitating drug and alcohol habit, Travis Jones of Nashville, Tennessee, made an excellent start on sobriety by limiting his periods of intoxication to approximately 50 percent of his waking hours. "Not too shabby," said J...
A 75-year-old man has been warned he faces jail because of his point blank refusal to stop waving his dick at his neighbours. Bernard Condron has been warned by friends, family, the police and members of the clergy to “seriously, dude, stop waftin...
Despite his best efforts to make better use of himself, Time ended up getting totally wasted - again. "I guess some stuff happened, but I have no clue what," said Time. "I was flying, is about all I can remember. And the seconds got a little slopp...
In another story that, frankly, takes a lot of believing, but which is absolutely true, a man driving a motorbike home from the pub had to stop and ask people for directions to his house, as he couldn't find it. The incident happened in the Battam...
Josh Adams of Brooklyn, New York, was confused when a random girl, whom he'd hung out with maybe a dozen times over the course of a few months, told him that she needed to break up with him. "She caught me totally off guard," said Josh of the gir...
Platteville, Wisconsin. Without the use of marijuana or any other form of drug, Brad Smith, 39, entered a unique and extremely bizarre 'state of mind' during which he began to ponder the 'totality of all physical and spiritual existence' last Saturd...
A British nightclub owner has declared that he will open a bar on the remote North Sentinel Islands, near India. The people there are untouched by the modern world and continue to live a Stone Age lifestyle, as they have for tens of thousands of year...
The candidate was slurring his speech, and said under oath, "I like to drink a whoooooooooooole lot!" He then whipped out and chugged a whole bottle of Jack Daniels, then overturned the desk and made a grab for one of the interviewers, who promptl...
A manchild from a city in a country attempted to drunkenly show his long-suffering girlfriend how his pissing technique defied gravity, it has emerged. The male, who cannot be named for embarrassment reasons, is believed to have drank around six p...
The reputation of a man who went to his local pub 'for a quiet drink' last Saturday night, but then changed his agenda halfway through the evening, is in tatters, after a series of unplanned escapades. Reputable Lawrence Jackson, 38, ordered a pin...
Every time 34-year-old Kendra Burke of Nashville, Tennessee, sees a crew of drunken girls in cutoff short-shorts, cowboy boots, and matching T-shirts go by on a foot-powered Pedal Tavern Bus, she wonders when the day will finally come for her bachelo...
Bart Miller of Nashville, Tennessee, recently awakened from a drunken stupor and fumbled for his shoe, only to find it on the other foot. "I'd heard about people getting wasted and doing stupid shit," said Miller, "but it had never happened to me.
BRANDON, MB-Local college boy Brent Simmons admitted Monday that the true identity of the woman he calls his mother, one Shirley Simmons, is actually his 45 year old mistress; a cougar named Diamond Foulfish. The relationship according to Simmons,...
The act of not drinking for 31 days has now been officially recognised as the most gruelling charity sponsorship activity in the world today, it has emerged. Emma Thorpe, spokesman for the 'Stoptober' movement said "It used to be enough to train r...
New York, N.Y. - Drew Dow of Roosevelt Island is an ordinary man with an extraordinary ability: his stomach uses excess yeast in his digestive tract to ferment carbs and sugar-dense foods into alcohol. This rare health condition is called auto-brewer...
Aston Villa manager Paul Lambert is never shy to try out new ideas. His latest being a trip for his team to watch Real Madrid in the hope that it would make them play like them. The trip didn't quite go to plan though when the team were turned away...
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