After solving the mystery of why forest fires happen, the US administration has yet to share its views on the causes of heat waves.
The statement hasn’t been issued yet, but we wanted to hear what the officials had to say. An anonymous employee of the US government agreed to talk to us.
“Encouraged by the president’s bold statement about the cause of forest fires, we’ve taken the pro-active stance, and have looked into possible causes of other types of natural disasters."
“Heat waves, for example. They happen more often, but not because of what whining liberals will have you believe. You know, the famous hoax called global warming.”
“The countries having problems with rising temperatures and heat waves can only blame themselves. It all comes down to management.”
“Have you heard of Antarctica? We’ve spent many hours trying to find out who the president of that country is. Only to discover that it isn’t even a country.”
“There are no heat waves in Antarctica. It’s always freezing. Maybe warmer than 50 years ago, but you could hardly call it a heat wave.”
“It’s because the inhabitants of this territory have found the way to properly manage the sun. Even though no-one seems to live there except for penguins and some scientist.”
“Whatever, once we discover who’s in charge of the place, we’ll pressure them to share their secret with us. It beats giving billions to lazy bastards at NASA. Those pukes haven’t even attempted to manage the sun.”
“One more thing. There are no trees there. And no forest fires.”
“All we need to do is destroy every single tree in the US, and forest fires will be a thing of a past.”