Written by Gee Pee

Monday, 19 November 2018

image for Wolfe: no longer WHCA's comedienne in sheep's clothing
Wolfe auditioning for role in new comedy series, "Fecal Matters"

D-list has-been “comedienne” Michelle Wolfe, who was born, some say, in Hershey Highway, Pennsylvania, in a back alley between a brothel and a homeless campsite, is incensed (or “pissed,” as she says) that the White House Correspondents Association (WHCA) has discontinued its custom of “roasting” the president during its annual dinner.

“I'm also pissed that they're doing away with the vomitorium. Now, newscasters will be forced to spew their bile over the airwaves or the pages of their newspapers.”

Wolfe said “the WHCA are [expletive deleted] because they refuse to allow comics to “vent their spleens.”

She'd hoped that, as a result of having insulted President Trump and Press Secretary Sarah Sanders during last year's WHCA dinner, she'd be invited back to deliver “more vituperation, invective, and vitriol.” (“I like words that start with “l,” she confessed, “like 'vagina.'”)

Admitting she “maybe went a little too far” in abusing the WHCA's guest of honor, Wolfe said she'd planned to “rectumfy” her poor taste by “dissing the left and its parasites” at this year's WHCA's dinner. Her “targets,” she said, would have included such “progressives' darlings” as lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender people, Native Americans, undocumented immigrants, Elizabeth Warren, Nancy Pelosi, and Joe Biden.

Now, instead, she won't get the chance to insult anyone.

“I had some real gems,” she whined, “some guaranteed groaners,” as she shared a few of her one-liners with The Spoof.

After which sitcom star of the 1950s did the lesbo name her dildo?
Beaver Cleaver.

How do you describe a gay guy's dreamboat?
Ass-backwards.

Bisexuals have an advantage on a blind date: an unsighted lover can't tell who's on top.

Growing up, we were so poor that my younger brother became a tranny just so he could wear my hand-me-down clothes.

I'm worried about Elizabeth Warren. Ever since she took that DNA test, she's been worried she might be a white woman.

Have you seen the Edvard Munch painting, The Scream? That's exactly what Nancy Pelosi looked like when she learned Obamacare doesn't cover Botox.

Right after I'd locked my keys in my car, Joe Biden happened to drive up. Curious about something he'd said in a speech, I asked him what a “butt buddy” is, and he said, “Bend over, Micky, and I'll drive you home.”

If, at this point, she hadn't been booted from the WHCA's dinner, she would have offered a final zinger, she said:

“I finally see what Melania sees in Trump: she's a trichophiliac.”

And, so, we at The Spoof, like correspondents everywhere, finally see why Wolfe wasn't invited to this year's WHCA dinner and why, for that matter, her latest “comedy show,” The Break was canceled after only ten episodes.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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