Written by Stefano M. Stefano

Tuesday, 20 November 2018

After claiming that California forest rangers didn't rake the leaves on the forest floor well enough top prevent massive fires in multiple locations, like they supposedly do in Norway, President Trump has offered up additional helpful hints to make the world a better place for His Excellency, El Grandiose Naranja Presidente.

"Who doesn't like a good boiled egg? A tremendously boiled egg? Here's how you can have more for free," the President said, making weird, waving hand gestures as he spoke.

"Stop the chicken from laying it's egg right away. Plug the hole for a day or two, and all that hot chicken meat inside him will heat the egg until it's hard-boiled! And then...BAM! A free hard-boiled egg! You're welcome!"

Another gem he came up with was dealing with all those inconvenient school buses that transport your kids to school.
"Why doesn't anybody just get their chauffeur to drive them directly to school? It would eliminate all those loser stops along the way! A direct ride in a nice, huge, heated limousine to school! Believe me! Excuse me! I said, believe me! Again, you're welcome. I don't understand why you guys in the Fake News Media haven't come up with these very stable genius ideas!"

And he wasn't done.

"Ferget about nuclear weapons treaties and threats, because they don't work against losers! You gotta confuse them and scare your enemies with something they can't figure out. So from now on, I'm going to threaten North Korea with the fire and fury of the Covfefe Maneuver, and they'll be scared as rabbits, believe me! Oh, and you can use that against your stupid boss for a raise or something. You tell him you're going to use the Covfefe Maneuver if he doesn't, like, get you that raise of 10 cents an hour! So there. You're welcome!"

And with that, CNN's Jim Acosta handed back his White House Press pass permanently.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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