In a stunning revelation, the president confessed today to mailing pizzas with horrible toppings to people on his Worst Enemies List.
"I did the whole pineapple and ham thing on most of them."
He giggled, "But I saved the worst for last. I sent a Chicago deep dish topped with anchovies to Obama."
The Secret Service detail guarding President Obama were quick to wrestle the salty little fish to the ground, and stun them with tasers repeatedly.
It was Vladimir's idea. I do whatever that guy tells me. Unless of course it's in conflict with what the Crown Prince tells me. Then I flip a coin.
Always follow the money.