The Saudis: Who The F**k Do They Think They Are?

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 22 October 2018


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image for The Saudis: Who The F**k Do They Think They Are?
Er ... you forgot about the cameras?

Three weeks is a long time in the news, and things happen, things change. Saudi Arabia has changed its mind several times during the last three weeks about the last moments of the life of Mr Jamal Khashoggi, the writer and critic of the Saudi regime who entered the Saudi consulate in Istanbul on 2 October, never to emerge again. Not alive, anyway.

The first outrageous claim the Saudi authorities made, was that Mr Khashoggi had left the consulate, and had, somehow, evaded the penetrating gaze of CCTV cameras.

Next, after enormous - though not enormous enough - international pressure was brought to bear on the country, there was an eventual admission that Mr Khashoggi had come to grief in a ... ahem ... 'fist fight'. This claim was heartily laughed-at by the watching world, particularly as. by now, it knew that 15 special agents had figured in Mr Khashoggi's demise.

When the laughter had died down, and the rest of the world had started to snarl for Saudi blood - and, more especially that of the Crown Prince, Mohammed bin Salman - a new version was thought-up: a murder, yes, but by "rogue operators", just as US President Donald Trump said it might have happened!

And now, Saudi Arabia was "determined to get to the bottom of the murder"!

Is there no limit to the depths to which these flagrant bastards will sink? Is there ANY REASON WHATSOEVER they are still continuing to form words into sentences, and sentences into paragraphs, to explain away something that they, the world and even their god Mohammed, know was a murder to formally close the mouth of someone who wanted to open the world's eyes about what is happening in Saudi Arabia?

It's not as if many people care about what is happening in Saudi Arabia. People like Khashoggi are metaphorically banging their heads against brick walls if they think their writings are going to affect the decision-making skills of people as puppet-like as Donald Trump. Nobody in a high-enough position cares about anything the Saudis do, unless it's 'canceling an order for weapons'. That would be different. That might cause some feathers to fly.

I mean, let's be right. If their actions - cold-blooded murder, no less - are not to be punished, then why should anyone else anywhere be punished for murder? Why, for example, shouldn't someone saunter up and murder the Saudi Crown Prince and get away with it? And, whilst they were at it, why not use a very strong saw to separate his head from his body, and to reduce the other parts of his body into pieces so small, they could be put into plastic bags, and then briefcases, then dumped into a nearby wood? I mean, realistically, why not?

In situations like this, 'sanctions' are often mentioned. Things put in place to harm the effectiveness of a country to operate in a normal way. But the problem with sanctions is, many millions of people have to suffer first, before the people responsible for the actions that have brought about the need for sanctions, get to suffer. No, in a case like this, I think a stronger kind of 'sanction' is needed. A Saddam Hussein kind of sanction. A Gadaffi kind of sanction. A like-for-like kind of sanction.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Khashoggi Sanction.

Not that I'm suggesting anyone should carry out a murder, you understand...

...but what's good for the goose...

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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