Mohammed bin Salman denounces heinous crime plus full investigation of himself to find “justice”

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 24 October 2018

image for Mohammed bin Salman denounces heinous crime plus full investigation of himself to find “justice”

Breaking: Today Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman has declared what happened to Jamal Khashoggi a “heinous crime” followed by “justice will prevail.”

Yesterday he met with Khashoggi’s son Salah and shook hands warmly with an “all is forgiven” look while Salah’s answering gaze has sent twitter into a blaze of incredulity.

Today at his Vision Conference the Prince shook hands and joked with Lebanese Prime Minister Saad Hariri, victim of an MbS kidnapping last year.

The Prince is also requesting Dr. al-Tubaigy, who organized the dissection of Mr. Khashoggi in the Turkey consulate, to attend the investigation and bring his bone saw.

“The bone saw is an important instrument when the suspect looks at it,” the Prince is reported to have remarked.

Asked whether he himself is a suspect, he replied: “I suspect I am, and this is why I want a thorough investigation of myself!”

Accordingly, a team led by President Erdogan of Turkey has arrived in Riyadh to assist Dr. al-Tubaigy with his bone saw.

Meanwhile, the doctor has wondered whether if he continues in this investigation of the Prince he might get into trouble.

But he was told by a member of Mr. bin Salman’s security team he must not object or his remains would likely be deposited in the Saudi Arabian desert.

Accordingly, the Prince has prostrated himself on an examining table, saying he was not much of a fighter, and there would be no need for a choke hold in his particular case.

When Dr. al-Tubaigy lifted the bone saw, Mr. Erdogan (with Mr. Trump observing in the US via CCTV) leaned over to examine the response in the Prince’s eyes.

A flicker came across the Prince’s eyeballs which was either a) amusement; b) hysteria; c) preliminary to requesting a bathroom break.

The bone saw was then positioned across the fingers of the Prince’s right hand.

Mr. Erdogan thundered: “Did you order the murder of Khashoggi?”

The Prince: “Yes! Yes! No! No!”

Bone saw now positioned in the crease at the top of the right side forearm.

“No! No! Yes! Yes!”

Now positioned at the neck just below the jaw.

"Oh my God! Help! Help!"

Mr. Trump via Skype: “Well, is there anything you will admit to?”

“Yes! Yes! I’ll keep oil prices down! More weapons deals! Deals with Turkey! Anything! Anything!”

A joint pronouncement from the US and Turkey has followed this investigation.

Prince cleared. Botched op explains all. He told the team to make Khashoggi remember his obligations—not to dismember him.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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