Ever more staff are leaving the White House as Donald Trump's zealous bid to have the building to himself takes form.
Head cook Chuck Tate was fired this week for cheating at Whist. "I swear I played the Queen", he mumbled as he piled his belongings into a taxi. "Trump wants us all out. He's lost it man, he's lost it".
Diane White, first receptionist, was thrown out for appearing 'forlorn' one morning. "I only yawned", she claimed, "but he was having none of it."
American Chief of Staff, John Kelly, was handed his papers for using the word 'salubrious' in a game of scrabble. "The President claimed it wasn't a word. He'd never heard of it. So I changed it to 'salient', but he hadn't heard of that either and sacked me again. Weird, I'm tellin' ya. Look good on my cards though. Sacked twice by the President...playing a board game..".
Gardener Pat Shelm was dismissed for pointing at a racoon. "I thought he'd like to see it, but he took it the wrong way. He said, no honest man points. It's creepy, spooky...he's just way out...".
And yesterday chimney sweep Bert Tyler lost his job for reading a book. "It was my break. I was 200 pages into Little Dorrit when the President claimed it was fake news. I told him Charles Dickens died over 100 years ago, but he claimed Dickens was still employed by CNN and was 'ghosting columns'. Little I could say really. I never liked his flues anyway..."