Miami, Texas President Trump is down in the polls as usual, and as usual, to boost his spirits, he went to another godforsaken town that still somehow loves him. Faux TV is carrying it live:
"And so everyone can see that I will fulfill all my campaign promises!" bellowed Trump. "I set up beautiful tariffs and now the other countries won't send us valuable fuel items. So we have no choice but to go with coal! See! I promised to bring back coal! You can see how smart your president is now!" (Trump pauses as crowd sees a lady baring her breasts in the nosebleed section and cheer for six minutes straight.)
"Some people have figured out my secret immigration solution! I am making the country so bad and screwed up that NO-ONE will want to move here! And the ones here are going to want to move!" bragged Trump, as the lady in the stands caused the people to once more break out in tumultuous applause.