Written by Chrissy Benson

Thursday, 31 May 2018

image for Nashville Woman Wonders When Her Bachelorette Party Will Finally Come
Kendra, a feminist, could care less about a wedding; instead, she dreams of the day that her bachelorette party will come.

Every time 34-year-old Kendra Burke of Nashville, Tennessee, sees a crew of drunken girls in cutoff short-shorts, cowboy boots, and matching T-shirts go by on a foot-powered Pedal Tavern Bus, she wonders when the day will finally come for her bachelorette party.

“Their nails always look amazing,” noted Kendra wistfully. “For modern-day women fighting to do it all – career, relationship, bodybuilding – there's nothing like the bonding experience of a group mani/pedi.”

“I could get one on my own, of course, but it's just not the same,” she added.

Ever since she was a young girl, says Kendra, she's dreamed of the night where, clad in backless top of some sort, tipsy on martinis and cosmos, she'd revel in the camaraderie of a bachelorette party, kissing random men, sticking twenty-dollar bills down the pants of a hard-bodied male stripper, making everyone else on the street blush or turn away in jealousy that they themselves weren't having such a wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime experience.

“It's all about pushing limits,” said Kendra. “I'll maybe round things out with maybe a pole-dancing class and then a wine-tasting. I definitely want to keep things classy.”

For Kendra, the actual wedding day itself pales in comparison to the madcap escapades and shameless shenanigans of the female-focused bachelorette party. “I know some women wait their whole lives for some Prince Charming to come and rescue them, but I don't believe in putting your life on hold for that one special day when you get to walk down the aisle,” she explained. “I'm a feminist.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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